yayy.

(oh, man. i love this picture. hahahha.)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANE!! hooray, today was fun. so much ice cream though O_o. anywho, less than a month until you can get your license! and then you can take me out for sushi :D yeayuhh.

p.s.
CUT YOUR HAIR!

one touch.

"one touch and i'm hooked and i am drowning. one look and i'm lost inside your eyes. excuse me i don't mean to be staring, but i've forgotten all my lines. i was gonna say, 'hey, you're looking fine today'. not that i've only noticed now. i was gonna say, 'hey, you think there is a way that i could get you to stay for a while?' for a little while. i'm trying. articulate and failing. my words just aren't cooperating. 'breathe deeply', i'm trying to tell myself. but my heart won't slow cause of you. i was gonna say, 'hey, you're looking fine today'. not that i've only noticed now. i was gonna say, 'hey, you think there is a way that i could get you to stay?' i tried it once or twice. not looking in your eyes. but that's impossible, baby. this feeling's so brand new. i wanna speak to you, but i was never good at impromptu. i was gonna say, 'hey, you're looking fine today'. not that i've only noticed now. i was gonna say, 'hey, you think there is a way that i could... that i could...that i could...' i was gonna say, 'hey, you're looking fine today'. not that i've only noticed now. i was gonna say, 'hey, you think there is a way that i could...that i could...that i could get you to stay?' not that i've only noticed now. i was gonna say, 'hey, you think there is a way that i could...that i could...that i could...' i was gonna say, 'hey, you're looking fine today'. not that i've only noticed now. i was gonna say, 'hey you think there is a way that i could get you to stay for a while?'"

i've seriously fallen in love with this song...

basically.

(she thinks i'm crazy. yaay.)
I LOVE LIFE :)))) ashfkaskdh; this summer WILL be amazing. i can feel it.

freedom!

day after endless day, i have waited for this moment to arrive. and finally, it's here! freedom, my friends. it's ours. no more hearing that stupid alarm clock go off every morning making me wake up to another day of school. yes, i admit (and not shamefully) that i did like school. almost always i looked forward to seeing friends and having fun in class. unless of course i had a total of 3 hours of sleep the night before. cause then i lacked the ability to focus and considered the lectures of teachers nothing more than something keeping me from sleeping. but yes, school was good.

and i've grown a lot this year. more so than i think i ever have during a school year. and i don't mean height-wise. cause i seriously don't think i've grown for the past 2 years. but i mean i've learned a lot about myself this year. i know when enough is enough for me and when too much of something can turn out to be good. i've seen which friends are sincere and which friends i can always turn to. but i've also found friends that somehow down the road, i will find myself without. and i'm okay with that. i've had a number of breakdowns this year, but they've all made me a stronger person. they've opened my eyes to obstacles that may seem difficult to overcome at first, but try and try again, and i can make it.

there are friendships that i have gained this year that i am forever grateful for. i believe people come into your life for a reason and this year, i have found out a lot of those reasons. whether it be for a shoulder to cry on or a friend to laugh with, they were there. i really am the luckiest person on earth to have them in my life.

and to top it all off, the last day of school was one of the best days of my life. no joke. it was perfect. our class has become so much closer and i could not have asked for better people to spend the day with. oa class of 2009 gets stronger with every passing day. it's going to be hard leaving them once we graduate. i mean, it was hard just saying goodbye after the bonfire. but really, yesterday was amazing. successful tanning, mormon kissing game/kissing rugby (whatever you wanna call it), walking along main street, volleyball, the perfect water temperature, music, talking, laying in a whole in the sand, "you have a strong eyebrow bone" (AHAHHAHHHAHhahaHA :DD), making shapes out of nothing, the sound of the ocean, foooood, sleeping on the beach, and so much more. dang. not even getting a splinter in my foot could ruin my day. nothing could. i love you class of 2009! WE'RE JUNIORS!

<333

p.s.
i can't believe i didn't take any pictures at the beach yesterday. but that's okay. cause this time, i don't need pictures to remember this day by. i'll never forget it :)

committee 06-07.

so the last official sophomore class committee meeting was today at lunch. crazy, right? this year has seriously flown by and it wouldn't have been the same without this committee. we've done so much together throughout the year. laughed together. stressed together. planned together. ATE TOGETHER. worked bingo together. put together the most amazing sadies oxford has ever seen together. and so much more.

being the first year that i was on committee, i don't have anything to compare this experience to. but for the years to come, this committee is what i will measure all other committees against. i know that for sure. i'm comfortable around them. (i mean, we stuff our faces like no other in front of each other. and i seriously think we eat more than any other committee on the planet...) we fit together. and i appreciate every single one of them and everything they've done this year for our class. i just hope next year's committee will be as loving, caring, and hardworking as this one was.

and another.

asdglj;sf HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VICTORIA! i lovelovelove youuu :)
"..but due to the ridiculous amount of homework and studying i have to do tonight, i shall write this birthday post for you at a later time :) haha."

i can't believe that same statement can apply two nights in a row. ridiculous! haha.

p.s.
remind me to give you your card!! and i hope you liked your present :D

for her.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RONA!<3
...but due to the ridiculous amount of homework and studying i have to do tonight, i shall write this birthday post for you at a later time :) haha.

oy with the poodles already!

i know, i know :)))))
shut up, loin fruit! haha.

the cycle of blah.

hah. this basically sums up my day. but i had an excuse this time. really, i did. i wrote about ice cream for my galvan essay. therefore, i needed inspiration. and boy was it gooood inspiration.

yeah. kinda. maybe. not really. yes! wait...

"the whole purpose of places like starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. so people who don't know what the heck they're doing or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: tall. decaf. cappuccino." - you've got mail.

paper or plastic? chocolate or vanilla? beach or pool? hot or cold? singing or dancing? curly fries or regular fries? sneakers or flip-flops? running or walking? roses or daises? ipod or camera? saving or spending? mine or yours? there are a bajillion decisions we have to make in life and sometimes it's not that easy to choose. trust me, i know.

so i've seen you've got mail just about a thousand times. whenever it's on i watch it with my mom. it's a cute movie. i never paid attention to this part before despite the countless number of times i've seen the movie. but i hadn't watched it in a while and now...i can relate to it. it's amusing actually. i like it when i can make decisions easily. cause then i won't have to struggle with my ridiculous indecisiveness. yeah, i complain about being indecisive a lot (and i thank you for putting up with it), but it's probably one of the first things i would want to change about myself. cause i'd very much like to choose between things without having to resort to the ever-so-popular "i don't care". translation: "i can't choose to save my life, so you can choose for me". coming off as apathetic works a lot of the time. unless of course you're dealing with another indecisive person who also "doesn't care". because then it just turns into a never-ending "what do you wanna do? i don't care. whatever you wanna do. i don't know what to do. i'll do what you wanna do..." haha. yeah, i've had these conversations many, many times before.

anywho, maybe i'll get better at this whole indecisive thing over time. who knows. but for now, i'm off to struggle with the decision of whether to do history or english. at least i've made the decision to actually attempt homework. one decision down, a million more to go in life. it's a start.

hello, stranger.

dang, another whole week without blogging. i really hate it when i do that. i know it's just about impossible to have time to post every single day, but a girl can dream, right? so today was weird to say the least. i think i had a fever for a while, but then...it went away? hahha. iono. i was freezing in euro and during the movie, i fell asleep and woke up like 5 times. it was very annoying. and i had pretty bad timing the first time i woke up. i heard ryan go "woaahh!" really loud and i looked up at the screen and...well, i went go any further. (you're welcome). but seriously. i was so out of wack. did i mention how cold it was in mr. o's room? like an igloo. although...i've never been in an igloo. soo, don't take my word for it. i've been so sluggish this entire week. quite lame, if i do say so myself. but i like the fact that i've been taking naps again. they're great. they really do help. i lived off of them for a while, quite literally, as opposed to normal sleeping hours. but then i guess i kinda got back in sync with things. and whenever i wake up from my naps, my dogs face is like right there. i can feel her breathing on me before i open my eyes. haha, it's pretty funny. cause it's like she was watching me sleep. ahh, i love her. except when she jumps on my bed when i'm doing my homework and crumples my papers.

...my dad's watching a spelling bee right now on tv and this kid is being really annoying. he can't pronounce a word right so whenever he says it, the judges are like "NO! it's..." and he says it again and he's like "was that right?" and they're like "NO..." and it goes over and over and over again. man, i remember spelling bees. i pretty much owned at them. muahahaha. (although now whenever i think of spelling bees, i always think of brian regan..."K-A-T. i'm outta here!" hhahhaa. yeah.) in 4th grade i learned how to spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. i felt like a genius. and i still do. hahah. shutup. my 4th grade teacher was amazing. i miss him...

kay, this post went nowhere. but i have nothing to do. and this is what we get when i have nothing to do. i know, i should try something more productive. but i fail to think of anything i'd like to do at the moment. i'd take a stab at that whole world peace thing, but...i think instead i'll try ending world hunger. starting with myself. that pie is calling me.

fix you.

"when you try your best, but you don't succeed. when you get what you want, but not what you need. when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep. stuck in reverse. when the tears come streaming down your face. when you lose something you can't replace. when you love someone, but it goes to waste. could it be worse? lights will guide you home. and ignite your bones. and i will try to fix you. high up above or down below. when you're too in love to let it go. if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth. lights will guide you home. and ignite your bones. and i will try to fix you. tears stream down your face. when you lose something you cannot replace. tears stream down your face. and i...tears stream down on your face. i promise you i will learn from my mistakes. tears stream down your face. and i...lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. and i will try to fix you..."

i'm watching a coldplay concert right now on television. i forgot how much i liked them. and this song.

finally.

lately, i've noticed how crazy it is that things can change in such a short amount of time. honestly, i didn't think it was even worth trying. but if you never try, then you never know. and i wanted to know. i wanted to know if i could really achieve anything i put my mind to. fortunately, i can gladly say things are all working out fine. (oh, progress report. how you made my day!) the school days are winding down and it just seems like there have been so many days that i just spent doing...well, nothing. disappointing, yes. but i can't do anything about that now.

i love the feeling of being so genuinely happy that i feel like i just wanna burst. (yayy for people who have the same thoughts as me). and it's not just about grades. plus, those still aren't exactly where i want them to be. but yeah. life as a whole is pretty amazing right now. three-day weekend, anyone? yes, please.

so basically.

i've decided that i suck at answering my phone. sorry, but i never hear it! it's in my room charging when i'm at home. but even when i have it on me, i always have to put it on vibrate cause i'm crazy deaf. and it makes it even harder when i've got earphones stuck in my ears with music blaring through them. i need a solution for this. (remember the 9 missed calls in a row?). seriously.

won't go home without you.

"i asked her to stay, but she wouldn't listen. she left before i had the chance to say, oh, the words that would mend the things that were broken. but now it's far too late, she's gone away. every night you cry yourself to sleep thinking, "why does this happen to me? why does every moment have to be so hard?". hard to believe that it's not over tonight. just give me one more chance to make it right. i may not make it through the night. i won't go home without you. the taste of her breath, i'll never get over. and the noises that she made kept me awake. oh, the weight of things that remain unspoken built up so much it crushed us everyday. every night you cry yourself to sleep thinking, "why does this happen to me? why does every moment have to be so hard?". hard to believe that it's not over tonight just give me one more chance to make it right. i may not make it through the night. i won't go home without you. it's not over tonight. just give me one more chance to make it right. i may not make it through the night. i won't go home without you. of all the things i felt, but never really showed. perhaps the worst is that i ever let you go. should not ever let you go, oh oh oh. it's not over tonight. just give me one more chance to make it right. i may not make it through the night. i won't go home without you..."

in cluster...

so, i'm sitting here in cluster and i can find absolutely nothing productive to do with my time. and you know what? i'm perfectly fine with that :) ahh, i love testing. we do absolutely nothing for hours. and then food afterwards! yaay. who wouldn't love that?!

i've pretty muched studied for math enough that i hope i can do fairly decent on this test. i just finished the math section of the star testing, so i don't really think i can handle anymore studying for math at the moment anyway. ("so i'm waiting, waiting, waiting for you to be calling, calling, calling...") i'm kinda bitter about the fact that i stink at math. i wish i was better. i was better in elementary, but....well, that's elementary. oh well. a good friend once told me that life gets harder, therefore you must try harder. and if you don't....you're pretty much screwed. haha. (sound familiar?)

oh man, 45 minutes until lunch. how oh-so far away. i love how everyone in cluster looks as if they're in their own different world. (gotta wait 'til those worlds collide. people still testing, surprisingly.) miss gray - reading. lauren and alli talking. kan wandering around. alex...sleeping? ryoo playing something on the computer. annie playing her ds. evelyn's all the way in the back, so i can't tell what she's doing. tara staring off into space? and as for me, i'm sitting here at my computer (yes, i've officially dubbed computer number one in mrs. hale's room as mine. plus, i've told her that) and i'm observing the cluster kids and listening to music (no shocker there. thank youu, jeff).

i was pretty dang bummed when my ipod ran out of batteries after the first part of testing today. when i finished, i used up the rest of the batteries and then had to sit there enduring the silence while everyone finished testing. no music. the horror! (you think i'm kidding. that's funny...) i know it sounds pretty lame, but how in the world did i do homework properly before i had an ipod? ("we're singing it...i'll tap the break and you crack the window. the smell of smoke is making my lungs explode. the 51 is backed up and too slow. let's tune out by turning on the the radio. and oh, my love, you're all i need. backed behind a frequency. they played this song an hour ago. let's tune out by turning on the radio...") how foolish of me to leave school yesterday without remembering shane had my ipod. it was tough studying math without it last night. (if i fail this math test, i blame shane.) yeah.

so basically, i'm already sick of #2 pencils, test booklets, bubbling in circles, and not having our comfy chairs in cluster anymore. sigh. i vote they let us leave the classroom once we finish our test. cause the free time is the only thing i like about testing. oh and only having two classes a day too :)

la la la...i like rambling. ("let's make a list of who we need and we'll throw it away cause we don't need anyone..." psst. you need more john mayer songs!) mmkay. i'm done. i'll leave it to the music to make these last few minutes go by faster.

makes me wonder.

she sat at her computer late in the evening. thinking. wondering. listening to maroon 5. questioning. eating a chocolate parfait. thinking some more. life is good, she thought. it's the best it's been in a while actually. testing for the next few days would require only a limited amount of brain power and a lot of room in her stomach for food, which was perfectly fine for her. she wondered if anyone wondered the same things she did. yet that would be difficult considering her mind doesn't stay on one level for more than about 3 minutes. she questions a lot of things. but she wonders why she never asks. yeah, she's a strange case...

and at this very moment, new thoughts began to invade her mind. it's weird how when you're laughing uncontrollably and you start to get this aching pain in your side from the side-splitting laughter, you still don't want it to stop. annoyingly, the weather is being bipolar. and she's not very keen on bipolarity. cold she likes. hot she likes. but not too hot. and not freezing cold. she's indecisive. we all know that. (especially gaby). but once she makes a decision, she sticks with it. and then an hour later she wonders what would have happened if she went the other way. the cycle never ends.

yes, wondering is a fascinating thing. confusing, but fascinating. and sometimes being confused can lead you to a place you never would've gone to before. and you don't wanna go back. she thinks people should wonder more. and she wonders why the don't. people make her wonder.

not soon enough.

so, um, guess what i just did? ...I LISTENED TO THE ENTIRE NEW MAROON 5 CD!@#$%^&!! ahhhh, they posted their entire cd on mtv: the leak. i went insane went i found out i could listen to it a week before the actual cd came out. AND I AM THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH RIGHT NOW. i honestly, truly believe no one knows how much i want this cd. it's the one thing i want more than anything right now. materialistic, i know. but...whatever! i'm allowed to be every once in a while, right? i think yes. and this is definitely the perfect time for it. tuesday is soooo far away. and i don't even know if i'll have money for it or not :(

but i'll find a way! i must.

write out loud.

i like these commercials :)

my, my...

"hungry, hungry hippos."
"...WITH YOUR PURSE?!"

"huh? what movie?"
"night at the museum."
"MAGNESIUM?!"

HAHAHHA, i officially LOVE CHEM. the people more so than the class, obviously. it completely made my day. oh boy...the things we do. the stories we tell. the labs we take forever to finish. the way minh attempts to prove i'm lamer than him. the way alyssa and i team up against jameson. the way mr. jawor continuously refers to jameson as the spawn of the devil. and how it amazes me that my row never ceases to stop things from being interesting. yaay for school when it's fun!

unconditional love.

for sixteen years of my life, my mother has given me more than i deserve. a roof over my head, food to eat everyday, amazing advice, and most importantly an unconditional love that can never be replaced. i admit, there are times when i take these things for granted, but amazing as she is, she doesn't love me any less. she understands me like no one else. she listens when i'm not speaking and comprehends the things i leave unsaid.

sometimes, i wonder whether or not i'm being the best daughter i can be for her. it's hard to think about while knowing i'm not perfect. but she has always taught me that perfection is simply being the best i can be. and in that case, i guess i am a pretty good daughter. because she always brings out the best in me. the last thing i would ever want to do is disappoint her.

my mom has been through her share of hardships and they have all made her a stronger person. she amazes me every single day with the way she never stops giving. she cooks, cleans, shops, washes, organizes things, and so much more. she's the one i go to when i can't find something. it's like magic the way she knows where everything is. and i mean, everything. and when she doesn't know where something is, she can find it in 2 seconds. her work is never done and i have yet to see the day that she gets flustered by all of it.

in her reflection, i see all that i aspire to be. i see someone that does everything she can to make her children happy, knowingly or not. i see a mother that isn't afraid to laugh at something stupid with her kids or even laugh at her kids if they do something stupid. if you ask me the question "who is the most beautiful woman you know?" i won't give you the name of some celebrity or supermodel. my answer will simply be: my mom. she's the person that no one can compare to. and no one should even try. because, frankly, it won't get them anywhere.

if i grow up to be half the mother she is, i'll be satisfied.

the mess that is my mind.

i haven't made a real post in while. i find it hard to think of things to talk about lately. but just to let you know, it's no fun having a whole mess of things running around in my head, yet lacking the ability to convey them in writing. at least i have other sources i can turn to when one such means of emotional release is unreachable. but...at one o'clock in the morning those other sources aren't available so i am forced to resort back here.

this past week has been....interesting. to say the least. it was one of those up and down weeks where, in the end, everything just kinda balanced itself out. this week has really taught me that the simple things in life are what make it all worth it. cliche, i know. but true in some way or another. who knew the disappointment of an unsatisfying test grade could be dissolved through a handful of grapes being thrown into peoples' mouths? certainly not athena. but you learn something new everyday. i've learned that excessive cramming only works to a certain extent. health vocab i can cram. the entire european history politically, socially, and economically? not so much. i've also learned that sticking me in a stuffy gym for four hours with only one 10 minute break is not only considered child abuse in my mind, but is also utterly unhealthy. i went through three sticks of gum, smelled that perfumed piece of paper a million times, and hand-cramped enough times to think it was going to become paralyzed sooner or later. and to think, i'll have to go through this yet again next year. joy.

the only thing that was keeping me sane through those four hours was knowing that an hour after i got out of that building, i'd soon be able to forget about it all and chill with a bunch of amazing people. i have no worries when i'm with them. all i need is a couple of hours filled with laughter, food, and pictures, and i'm pretty much set. i find my happy place wherever they are. and i like it.

but that can only last for so long. if only life could stay the way it was in that bowling alley...

money can't buy happiness.

2 games of bowling + spiffy bowling shoes = $12
strawberry banana pancakes @ IHOP = $6.99
spending a friday night with the greatest people on the planet after 4 hours of an ap test = priceless.

classic.

dance, duckie. dance.

defying gravity.

"something has changed within me. something is not the same. i'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. too late for second-guessing. too late to go back to sleep. it's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap! it's time to try defying gravity. i think i'll try defying gravity. and you can't pull me down. i'm through accepting limits cause someone says they're so. some things i cannot change, but till i try, i'll never know! too long i've been afraid of losing love i guess i've lost. well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost. i'd sooner buy defying gravity. kiss me goodbye, i'm defying gravity. and you can't pull me down. come with me. think of what we could do; together. unlimited. together we're unlimited. together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been. dreams the way we planned them. if we work in tandem, there's no fight we cannot win. just you and i defying gravity. with you and i defying gravity, they'll never bring us down! so if you care to find me, look to the western sky. as someone told me lately: 'everyone deserves the chance to fly!' and if i'm flying solo, at least i'm flying free. to those who'd ground me, take a message back from me. tell them how i am defying gravity. i'm flying high, defying gravity. and soon i'll match them in renown. and nobody in all of Oz. no wizard that there is or was is ever gonna bring me down..."

no more worries. no more stress. relax. take a breath. defy some gravity. trust me, it's worth it.

let's hear it for the boys.

..........WOAH, baby. that was the most freaking amazing/intense/gratifying game i have ever been to.

hour long car ride. beach in view. ipod-and-me time. nap. malibu. roaming deer. pepperdine university. firestone fieldhouse. warm up. balls hitting spectators. pizza pretzels. annoying pepperdine fans. #2 taylor wilson! what a cutie. irvine losing. down two games to nothing. "you're breaking my balls!". a million and two service errors. frustration. crazy cheering. jayson jablonski! irvine wins next game. 2-1. "man boobs!". volleyball = almost stolen. 2-2. game 5. "sideout!" "but why?" HAHHA. number 9 the butt-picker. awkward. 14-15. irvine wins next point. final score: 14-16; uc irvine dominates. we go insane. another hour long car ride. home.

pretty much one of the best saturdays ever.

rainbows & butterflies.

"beauty queen of only eighteen. she had some trouble with herself. he was always there to help her. she always belonged to someone else. i drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door. i've had you so many times but somehow i want more. i don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. look for the girl with the broken smile. ask her if she wants to stay awhile. and she will be loved. she will be loved. tap on my window knock on my door. i want to make you feel beautiful. i know i tend to get so insecure. it doesn't matter anymore. it's not always rainbows and butterflies. it's compromise that moves us along. my heart is full and my door's always open. you can come anytime you want. i don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. look for the girl with the broken smile. ask her if she wants to stay awhile. and she will be loved. and she will be loved. and she will be loved. and she will be loved. i know where you hide alone in your car. know all of the things that make you who you are. i know that goodbye means nothing at all. comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls. tap on my window knock on my door. i want to make you feel beautiful. i don't mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain. look for the girl with the broken smile. ask her if she wants to stay awhile. and she will be loved. and she will be loved. and she will be loved. and she will be loved..."

thanks.

pretty much.

windy.

"don't blow away..." - the holiday.

"1...2...3!!"

happy 16th birthday, christina magalona!!
we all have those friends that we become closer to, those that drift apart from you over time, those that are newly found, and those whose relationships typically stay the same with you. and this year, christina is one of the few people i was close to last year, but got even closer to this year. others i was close to last year, but not so much this year. others have drifted. others' friendships have just started. and others i have neither gotten closer nor farther from. but not christina. this year i feel as if our friendship has gotten that much stronger. boredom is not in my vocabulary when i'm around this girl. the things we say when we're together make absolutely no sense and yet make perfect sense to us at the exact same time. our humor at times tends to be only humorous to us, but that's okay because it makes it that much more enjoyable. we stuff our faces with food when we're together and exercise together when necessary. good combination, right? yeah, she's good people.

so long, spring break.

after a much needed week of rest and relaxation, spring break is officially, dare i say it, over. tomorrow we shall once again step on to school grounds facing hours of work, racking our brains with knowledge. and i find it fascinating that i am not in the least bit dreading it as much as i thought i would. this is good, no? maybe it's because i have filled myself to a dangerously high capacity with freedom, movies, friends, family, and all of the good stuff that i missed ever-so-much while school was taking place. and i must say, i am very content with all the fun i've had this break...

movies watched:
- tmnt
- moulin rouge
- pursuit of happyness
- THE HOLIDAY
- disturbia
- never been kissed
- life is beautiful
- pretty in pink

sleepovers:
- christina's
- kimly's

family:
- VIP buffet
- mall at orange with mom and sister
- helped sister pick out prom dress (pretty! :D)

school:
- finished all homework wednesday
- got election stuff done with christina

freedom:
- beach!
- haircut.

and now, i am left with only a couple more hours until sleep must come over me and i must awaken before the sun has even risen to dive into an "ordinary" weekday. tomorrow i shall walk onto campus with those ever-so-famous-words of duckie dale lingering in my head...

"welcome to another day of higher education."

never been kissed.

"i have been beating my brains in trying to impress you people. listen gibby, kirstin, krysten, you will spend your whole lives trying to keep others down because it makes you feel more important, but why her? let me tell you about this girl. she is amazing. i was new here and she befriended me no questions asked. but you, you were only my friends after my brother, rob, told you to like me. there is a great big world out there and it won't matter if you were the most popular girl, the quarterback of the football team, or the biggest nerd in school. find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it."

thank you, kimly.

catch my disease.

good songs with random music videos: that's the way i like it.

haircut.

before:
after::)

as;dlgjsk.

so, personally i've never liked scary movies. well i guess it's not that i didn't like them, i just couldn't handle them. that's the way it's always been. ever since...forever. i always stayed away from scary movies whenever possible. and when i did have to watch them, my eyes would be closed for more than half of the movie. so anyway, i watched disturbia tonight. why you ask? because i watched the trailer and thought that it wouldn't be that bad. plus, jameson really really wanted to see it. so i went cause i wanted to hang. NOT SMART. i am officially staying away from scary movies until i'm two hundred and sixty five years old. the end.

may 22nd.

39 days. 2 hours. 27 minutes. 37 seconds.
"it won't be soon before long."

ready and waiting to fall.

"drowning just as fast as i can, but don't throw me a line, don't reach out your hand. cause i'm on the brink of something beautiful and i want to sing about it, but i don't know where to begin. write a letter, but the words don't come out right. try and explain how nobody can do me like...you don't understand how helpless i get since the day that we met. oh, can you feel it yet? it's never been more perfect being alive. i've never been so satisfied. i could feel something different from the first time. heaven made sense and all the words rhymed. no chance in stopping now; i'm taking it all. and now i'm caught in the air. it's a good glide. pass it up? wouldn't dare. what a wild ride. i remember being ready and waiting to fall. just like i did tonight. spinning around and around until my left was my right and up became down. with just one look you knocked me off of my feet. so unable to speak. oh, how you made me weak. though it was a while ago, i still can recall that moment so ready and waiting to fall. can you take me back in time? remembering when you captured my heart over and over again. it's never been more perfect being alive. i've never been so satisfied. i could feel something different from the first time. heaven made sense and all the words rhymed. no chance in stopping now; i'm taking it all. and now i'm caught in the air. it's a good glide. pass it up? wouldn't dare. what a wild ride. i remember being ready and waiting to fall. just like i did tonight..."

beach.

oh, spring break. how i love thee<3

persuasion.

haha, you know i had to post this hau. i've got to give it to you. this was good, my friend ;)

bueller...bueller...bueller...

(note: the video doesn't really start until 4:04)
seriously one of the best movies ever made. you are a sad, deprived child if you have never seen it. not kidding.

hugs.

the logical approach: hugging is healthy. it helps the immune system, cures depression, reduces stress, and induces sleep. it's invigorating, rejuvenating and has no unpleasant side effects. it's nothing less than a miracle painkiller. hugging is all natural; it's organic, naturally sweet, has no artificial ingredients, environmentally friendly and is 100% wholesome. hugging is the ideal gift. great for any occasion, fun to give and receive, shows you care, comes with it's own wrapping paper and, of course, is fully returnable.

trolley wood.

"out one day, walking one day. out one day with you, hallelujah. we found a wood with trolleys on wheels rolling all around the hills, hallelujah. and just as soon, it had slipped into the sleepy dusk and it's not very likely that we'll see it, we'll see it again. out one day, walking one day. out one day with you, hallelujah. we found a wood, we un-found a wood and then we cried, "oh no". and please tell me will we ever find it again? in the depths of trolley wood do trolleys still drive? gone for the day to the trolley wood; i've gone for the day to the trolley wood. the trolley wood is taking me away. out one day with you, hallelujah. we found a wood, we un-found a wood and then we cried, "oh no". and please tell me will we ever find it again? in the depths of trolley wood do trolleys still drive? out one day, walking one day. out one day with you, hallelujah..."

p.s.
happy easter, my friends.

self exploration.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

missing pieces.

hello, my name is ___________ and i can’t live without __________. my hero is __________. if i had one wish, i would wish for ____________. i can tell you what it feel like to be ___________. if the last thing i saw before i died was ____________, i would die a happy person. sometimes i hate it when a person ___________ without caring. if ___________ were not an issue, my world would be a better place. sixteen years of living and i have yet to find the perfect _____________. i wish i could make you __________. sometimes, i feel as if ___________ is my only escape. why can’t i be more___________? i think people should care less about ______________ and more about ____________. ______________ is the way to my heart. i strive for _______________, but i don’t expect it. i’ve learned that ____________ comes from the most unexpected places. ____________ is my favorite person. i am devoted to ____________ although it may not seem like it. sometimes, it’s hard for me to ______________. if there was one person i’d want to meet, it’d be ______________. if i could describe my best friend in one word, i would use the word ____________. my biggest pet peeve is ___________. my biggest fear is ____________ and that will never change. i think that __________ is the best characteristic someone can have. the best feeling in the world is knowing that ____________. if i told you ____________, what would you say? i apologize for being so _________, but i can’t help it. i think that ___________ is the best way to vent. i wouldn’t trade my ___________ for anything. if you think you’ve _____________, think again :)

(sorry, no word bank. yeah, use your imagination...)

st. patrick's day.

"here comes a cold. break out the winter clothes and find a love to call your own. you - enter you. your cheeks a shade of pink and the rest of you in powder blue. who knows what will be, but i'll make you this guarantee. no way november will see our goodbye. when it comes to december it's obvious why no one wants to be alone at Christmas time. in the dark, on the phone you tell me the names of your brothers and your favorite colors. i'm learning you. and when it snows again, we'll take a walk outside and search the sky like children do. i'll say to you...no way november will see our goodbye. when it comes to december it's obvious why no one wants to be alone at Christmas time. and come january we're frozen inside, making new resolutions a hundred times. february, won't you be my valentine? and we'll both be safe 'til st. patrick's day. we should take a ride tonight around the town and look around at all the beautiful houses. something in the way that blue lights on a black night can make you feel more. everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be just like you and me. no one wants to be alone at Christmas time. come january we're frozen inside, making new resolutions a hundred times. february, won't you be my valentine? and if our always is all that we gave and we someday take that away, i'll be alright if it was just 'til st. patrick's day..."

(a song entitled 'st. patrick's day' on april fool's day...i know, right?)

emotions.

aching. that was what she felt throughout the entire funeral. she was unstable both physically and emotionally. on the outside, her leg wouldn’t stop shaking. her face literally hurt from rubbing her cheeks so much to wipe away the tears. her stomach was in knots and she felt sick. on the inside: heartache. she felt like curling up in a corner and crying there the rest of the day. how could it be possible that someone would have to endure this kind of pain in real life? she thought to herself. and knowing that it was a mock funeral didn‘t make it any better, but in fact made it worse in a way. because if it were a real funeral for someone she was actually close to, how would she be able to survive that kind of torture?

choking. as the ceremony progressed and the thoughts in her mind worsened, the tears poured down endlessly. her choked sobs hurt. literally. they hurt. and the stream of tears continued as she thought about each and every one of her friends and family and how she would be affected if they were no longer there. that’s what got her the most. she related everything to herself and it was all downhill from there. it scared her to think that life was fragile enough to take her loved ones from her in the blink of an eye...

coping. the funeral was over, but the tears weren't. it was possible that they might have gotten worse once she stood up. she needed someone. she looked around and went straight to a person she knew could make her feel better without any words. she walked to her row and stood there crying, waiting for her to reach her. once she got to her, she took her in her arms and cried harder than she had during the funeral. thoughts, once again, ran through her mind. what if tomorrow the very friend she held in her arms was gone? what if that was the last time she got to hug her and let her know how much she meant to her?

it's hard living with "what if's"; nothing is ever certain. things take you by surprise and you never know what will happen. you never know when goodbye really means goodbye, you never know how someone feels about you until they tell you, you never know how the decisions you make will affect others until it happens, and you never know the exact moment your life is going to end.

yes, take chances in your lives, but don't risk losing it all because of something you didn't think through. because there are few things in life that are worth risking it all for, and being able to go to a party so you can drink isn't one of those things. show some dignity and think about your actions. really think.

wise up.

the assembly didn’t have much of an effect on her. in all honesty, she was a bit bored with it. she had actually prepared herself beforehand for tears because she thought the assembly might provoke them. but it didn’t. the tears didn’t come until after the assembly...

they slowly proceeded into their cluster class and walked into a room full of deafening silence. no one said a word; no one really knew any words to say. she had been staring off into space for a few minutes, then looked up to where her teacher was. she was surprised at what she saw. her teacher was crying. the teacher began to speak to them, voice quivering, trying to keep the composure everyone knew so well. she had never seen her teacher cry before and it was all strange to her. the teacher was telling them her own stories she knew about drinking and driving. one of them was about one of her students dying in an alcohol-related car accident because the person driving the car fell asleep at the wheel and all of the people in the car being drunk. the car blew up when it ran into a tree. but how could this affect her? she hadn’t even know these people…

but to put herself in someone else’s shoes was a completely different story. what if she had been a friend to one of the 2 people that had died in that car explosion? what if that was her sister? what if that was her daughter? that’s what got her. she closed her eyes and thoughts of losing her best friend in some kind of accident like that flew into her mind. from then on the tears wouldn’t stop. then other thoughts came into her mind. how could she go on living if one second her sister was there and then the next...gone? would there even be a reason to go on living? the tears hurt. they really, really hurt.

30 minutes. that’s how long she sat there crying. and when she looked back on it, do you know what she thought? she thought about how in that 30 minutes, two more people had died from an alcohol-related car accident. Every 15 minutes. Can you hear that bell in your heads?

(athena: and just think, today was only the accident. tomorrow is the actual funeral. i’m expecting a major breakdown on my part...)

undeniable.

"it's undeniable how brilliant you are. in an unreliable world you shine like a star. it's unforgettable now that we've come this far. it's unmistakable that you're undeniable..." - mat kearney

we could be heroes...

last minute plans.

on the right is tin & on the left is a-tin. they're friends. they like to bowl together. like they did today. even though tin gives a-tin free strikes unintentionally. that's what friends do. tin makes a-tin eat too much when she's around her. she makes funny faces in her ice cream and gives inappropriate magazines to little girls to read. hahaha. just keeding. and i think i went deaf. thanks a lot justin timberlake...

...yeah that pretty much sums up my day. thank you for saving me from my homework, christina. i think my eyes would have fallen out sooner or later from all that staring.

again.

"like the sound of silence calling, i hear your voice and suddenly i'm falling, lost in a dream. like the echoes of our souls are meeting, you say those words, my heart stops beating. i wonder what it means. what could it be that comes over me? at times i can't move. at times i can hardly breathe. when you say you love me the world goes still, so still inside. and when you say you love me, for a moment there's no one else alive. you're the one i've always thought of. i don't know how, but i feel sheltered in your love. you're where i belong. and when you're with me, if i close my eyes, there are times i swear i feel like i can fly. for a moment in time, somewhere between the heavens and earth i'm frozen in time. oh, when you say those words. when you say you love me the world goes still, so still inside. and when you say you love me, for a moment there's no one else alive. and this journey that we're on, how far we've come. and i celebrate every moment. and when you say you love me, that's all you have to say. i'll always feel this way. when you say you love me, the world goes still, so still inside. and when you say you love me, in that moment i know why i'm alive. when you say you love me. when you say you love me, do you know how i love you?"

(athena: once again, josh groban has become my current infatuation...)