temin8ers!

slouchy mcslouchster.

...that is what i am. a big ol' slouchy mcslouchster (woo, mini tongue-twister). every time i sit at the computer, or anywhere really, the gravitational force of the world seems to work against me. my back gives way inch by inch and eventually, i notice. and then i realize and i'm like, "what the heck am i doing way down here?!" so i straighten myself up and, let me tell you, i go up a long way. seriously, i think i am the worst (or best, whichever way you wanna look at it) sloucher there ever was. it hurts, too. if i try and force myself to sit up straight for a really long time, my back starts aching and just begs me to let it loose. i hope this doesn't turn into a hunchback of notre dame thing in my later years...

do not worry, pb&j.

i haven't forgotten about you!

happiness is...

1. writing. i mean, real writing. like when pen meets paper. that kind of writing.
2. finding new songs to put on repeat all day.
3. going to bed at 10:30 on a friday night.
4. "if i was a flower growing wild and free, i'll i'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee." :)
5. eating ice cream in the freezing cold.
6. playing with my new phone.
7. knowing a new season of making the band starts monday!
8. two words: warm ears.
9. hot cheetos during an apush final.
10. juno.

art.

"kill people!"

words.

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But, it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear." -Stephen King

on the pulse of morning.

A Rock, A River, A Tree
Hosts to species long since departed,
Marked the mastodon,
The dinosaur, who left dried tokens
Of their sojourn here
On our planet floor,
Any broad alarm of their hastening doom
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.

But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,
Come, you may stand upon my
Back and face your distant destiny,
But seek no haven in my shadow.
I will give you no hiding place down here.

You, created only a little lower than
The angels, have crouched too long in
The bruising darkness
Have lain too long
Face down in ignorance.
Your mouths spilling words

Armed for slaughter.
The Rock cries out to us today, you may stand upon me,
But do not hide your face.

Across the wall of the world,
A River sings a beautiful song. It says,
Come, rest here by my side.

Each of you, a bordered country,
Delicate and strangely made proud,
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.
Your armed struggles for profit
Have left collars of waste upon
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.
Yet today I call you to my riverside,
If you will study war no more. Come,
Clad in peace, and I will sing the songs
The Creator gave to me when I and the
Tree and the rock were one.
Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your
Brow and when you yet knew you still
Knew nothing.
The River sang and sings on.
__________________________________________________________

There is a true yearning to respond to
The singing River and the wise Rock.
So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew
The African, the Native American, the Sioux,
The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek
The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheik,
The Gay, the Straight, the Preacher,
The privileged, the homeless, the Teacher.
They hear. They all hear
The speaking of the Tree.

They hear the first and last of every Tree
Speak to humankind today. Come to me, here beside the River.
Plant yourself beside the River.

Each of you, descendant of some passed
On traveller, has been paid for.
You, who gave me my first name, you,
Pawnee, Apache, Seneca, you
Cherokee Nation, who rested with me, then
Forced on bloody feet,
Left me to the employment of
Other seekers -- desperate for gain,
Starving for gold.
You, the Turk, the Arab, the Swede, the German, the Eskimo, the Scot,
You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru, bought,
Sold, stolen, arriving on the nightmare
Praying for a dream.
Here, root yourselves beside me.
I am that Tree planted by the River,
Which will not be moved.
I, the Rock, I the River, I the Tree
I am yours -- your passages have been paid.
Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need
For this bright morning dawning for you.
History, despite its wrenching pain
Cannot be unlived, but if faced
With courage, need not be lived again.
__________________________________________________________

Lift up your eyes upon
This day breaking for you.
Give birth again
To the dream.

Women, children, men,
Take it into the palms of your hands,
Mold it into the shape of your most
Private need. Sculpt it into
The image of your most public self.
Lift up your hearts
Each new hour holds new chances
For a new beginning.
Do not be wedded forever
To fear, yoked eternally
To brutishness.

The horizon leans forward,
Offering you space to place new steps of change.
Here, on the pulse of this fine day
You may have the courage
To look up and out and upon me, the
Rock, the River, the Tree, your country.
No less to Midas than the mendicant.
No less to you now than the mastodon then.

Here, on the pulse of this new day
You may have the grace to look up and out
And into your sister's eyes, and into
Your brother's face, your country
And say simply
Very simply
With hope --
Good morning.

- Maya Angelou.

(one of the best poems i have ever read in my entire life. it's worth reading over two or three times to understand it.)

babysitting.

high school musical 2. baking. sugar cookies. rotten eggs. frosting. decorating mania. noggin. max & ruby. little bear. christmas pajamas. LUNGS OF STEEL. princesses. strawberry shortcake. chex mix. super cool 4-year-old room. nap! coughing. crying. crib. GORGEOUS EYES. super bebe!

i'd totally do this without getting paid! ahhhhhh! i love babies!

tired.

lately, athena has been a very tired person. she does not like being a tired person. it is very inconvenient. she takes naps after school. those are nice. unfortunately, they go for longer than they're supposed to. alarm clocks no longer affect her. tragic, she knows. even in the mornings when she hears it, she turns it off and proceeds to fall asleep for, again, longer than she's supposed to. terrible cycle it is. her solution: no more tests! ever!

post-it love.

boredom after school today resulted in purple post-its being plastered all over christine's car while she was in seventh :) i realized while i was writing all those notes that we have way too much fun together. haha. inside jokes are fun. basically, this post-it mania was a gift from me, kathleen, and tara to celebrate her being LEGAL TO DRIVE PEOPLE IN 2 DAYS! ahhh, party car! considering how much fun we have in a classroom, just imagine how much fun we'll have on the road. yeeeee.

life stuffs.

1/15 - melissa's 17th birthday!
1/19 - babysitting with kathleen!
1/21 - MLK day. no school!
1/22 - my 17th birthday!
1/24 - justin's 17th birthday!
1/31 - end of semester. minimum day. BROOMBALL!
2/1 - no school. lunch @ BJs with committee!
2/2 - mitchell's birthday!
2/12 - "taste of chocolate" @ oxford!
2/14 - valentine's day!
2/29 - sadies!

mmm, fun. too bad finals week is smack dab in the middle of all that. wooo!

midnight mind jumble.

good morning. i just had a nice 5 hour nap. too bad it was only supposed to be an hour. oh well. rest was much needed. you know, i think being sad about things is overrated. but if it's only every once in a while it's okay, right? today was one of those downhill days. it started going uphill once i had some mr. o in me, and surprisingly much better during fifth. people, i like. people make me happy. and apparently i'm not allowed to be sad. but okay. talking about formal today with people who didn't go made me miss it even more than i already did. hey, there's only 7 days until my birthday. dang, one week. how did that happen? i need plans. two three-day weekends coming up. again, i need plans. i think i know why shane gets his headaches. (your laptop screen is so freaking bright). my longboard is in the back of my mom's car...i need to take it out. i can't decide where to put that picture frame and it's really bugging me. decisions are hard. but i've decided i like the moon better than the sun. one reason being because i can actually look at the moon without burning my eyeballs out. la la la...it is now 12:39am. i told myself i'd go to sleep at 12:30. haha, nah. i just realized i didn't watch tv today. at all. i wonder how that happened. how fascinating. "don't sweat it, i know it wasn't your fault. take care." you have no idea how much better that made me feel. i learned something very interesting today: guys can be a lot more sympathetic than girls. at least more than you'd expect them to be. i need to make more copies of formal pictures. they went like hotcakes and i didn't even realize it. luckily i set some aside for me. i love us. it is now 12:50am. should i attempt to sleep? okay, i'll attempt. but don't be surprised if i'm back in 30 minutes with some more thoughts for you.

just fine.

"let it go. can’t let this thing called love get away from you. feel free right now, go do what you want to do. can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we. no time for moping around, are you kidding? and no time for negative vibes, cause i’m winning. it’s been a long week, i put in my hardest. gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right.

so i like what i see when i’m looking at me when i’m walking past the mirror. don't stress through the night, at a time in my life ain’t worried about if you feel it. got my head on straight, i got my vibe right. i ain't gonna let you kill it. you see i wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine. you see i wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine.

feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do. get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new. keep your head up high. in yourself, believe in you, believe in me. having a really good time, i’m not complaining. and i’m a still wear a smile if it's raining. i gotta enjoy myself regardless. i appreciate life, i’m so glad that it's mine..."


(i love these lyrics.)

this is why i fail math.

Auto Response from xUHTHEENUH (8:14:45 PM): i should do math, huh? be back in an hour-ish.

"Raghav Paliwal" (8:14:46 PM): nah, you should never do math
"Raghav Paliwal" (8:14:48 PM): don't be silly!

"Tara Millspaugh" (8:18:36 PM): No u shouldntttt

shane's was my favorite...
"Shane Rayos Del Sol" (9:11:52 PM): are you doing math?

i digress...

writing is fun when i know what i'm writing about. i love my english group. transcendentalists are deep. i need to learn how to be deep like them. "to be great is to be misunderstood." am i misunderstood? nah. we now have four mountain men at oxford. it's ridiculous. chaldu, hauge, wittman, and ramirez need a mirror. and a razor. right about now. thanks. i wonder how mr. o would look with a beard....hahahhaa. that's funny. he can "get down" with some "flavuh" without it anyway. wal-mart can die. yay target! that was the scariest source document i have ever seen in my life. ever. my heart seriously skipped a beat. how unhealthy. apparently i have a nice smile, but i suck at french. which is more important? i vote not french. power naps are very refreshing. i can sleep in very interesting positions. being groggy after a nap feels weird. i noticed girls can be very expensive. longboarding tomorrow! i need to clean my board. and now, off to not do homework. sweet. oh, one more thing: me. you. juno. now. done!

simple, starving to be safe.

"lately i've been thinking so strangely about the clouds and how they seem to slowly fade away. maybe someday we will find a way to disappear; just me and you on silver lining dreams. oh, how could i survive without your love and the hope you bring. oh, even when the sky is falling down i know i have you, and thats all i need.

lately i've been hoping you could stay with me and i could hold you close to the end of time. maybe someday we will grab some change and run away, but for now i'll learn to say goodbye. oh, how could i survive without true love and the hope you bring. oh, even when the world is breaking down, i know i have you and thats all i need..."

perfect timing!

"Athena Anduiza" (11:10:35 PM): you should really try the whole optimist thing
"Jameson Bradley" (11:10:41 PM): eh
"Jameson Bradley" (11:10:45 PM): not my field of life
"Jameson Bradley" (11:10:48 PM): its yours
"Jameson Bradley" (11:11:05 PM): im the sarcastic comedical person to the left
"Athena Anduiza" (11:11:11 PM): i will teach you my ways

yeah, i'm easily fascinated. but, come on. that's pretty cool. :)

a list...

an aching heart. my love for someone. anger for indifference. how good sunshine feels. the calming feeling of rain. the sound of music. butterflies in my stomach. the feeling of a hug. anticipation of a fun day. the sense of self-satisfaction after a good run. tangled emotions. the taste of victory. my soul.

...of things i cannot photograph.

compare&contrast.

hahaha, it's like night and day!! cracks me up.

rock, paper, scissors.

"i understand that scissors can beat paper, and i get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no freaking way paper can beat rock. paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? i'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. a rock would tear that sun-of-a-gun up in 2 seconds. when i play rock, paper, scissors, i always choose rock. then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper i can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, i'm sorry, i thought paper would protect you, you idiot." - dane cook (with some minor editing of words, of course. hahaha.)

success.

"to laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
this is to have succeeded!"
- ralph waldo emerson.

diagnosis: love.

aww, that was seriously awesome. haha.

2008 firsts.

first hug: sister.
first kiss: daddy.
first "i love you" said to: grandma.
first song listened to: i'll be waiting - lenny kravitz.
first drink: water.
first food: bread.
first missed call: rona maglian. (12:16am)
first, uh, not-missed called: christina magalona. (12:28am)
first person called: rona maglian. (she didn't answer either!! haha.)
first voicemail: rona maglian. (okay, you need to stop taking over my list. haha.)
first received text message: james li.
first sent text message: jeffrey whitaker.
first time sleeping: 1:32am.
first time waking up: 9:00am.

365 days behind us and a brand new 365 ahead of us. so, here's to you. you, being the person that is still with me today as i venture into this brand new year, not knowing what lies before me. you, the person that i will make a thousand more memories with because it's just that easy for us. and you, being the person that doesn't count the days, but the moments. here's to a new year of firsts. make it amazing, folks.

hmm, what to do now...oh, wait. ha! i know. hellooo, longboard.

the gift.

"winter snow is falling down, children laughing all around. lights are turning on like a fairy tale come true. sitting by the fire we made, you're the answer when i prayed i would find someone. and baby i found you.

all i want is to hold you forever. all i need is you more every day. you saved my heart from being broken apart. you gave your love away and i'm thankful every day for the gift.

watching as you softly sleep, what i'd give if i could keep just this moment. if only time stood still. but the colors fade away and the years will make us gray, but baby in my eyes you'll still be beautiful.

all i want is to hold you forever. all i need is you more every day. you saved my heart from being broken apart. you gave your love away and i'm thankful every day for the gift."

happy holidays.

love, '09 CC ♥

hotel california.

"on a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair. warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air. up ahead in the distance, i saw a shimmering light. my head grew heavy and my sight grew dim. i had to stop for the night. there she stood in the doorway; i heard the mission bell. and i was thinking to myself, 'this could be heaven or this could be hell.' then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way. there were voices down the corridor, i thought i heard them say...

welcome to the hotel california. such a lovely place, such a lovely face. plenty of room at the hotel california. any time of year, you can find it here.

her mind is tiffany-twisted, she got the mercedes benz. she got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends. how they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. some dance to remember, some dance to forget. so i called up the captain, 'please bring me my wine.' he said, 'we haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine.' and still those voices are calling from far away. wake you up in the middle of the night just to hear them say...

welcome to the hotel california. such a lovely place, such a lovely face. they livin’ it up at the hotel california. what a nice surprise, bring your alibis.

mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice. and she said 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device.' and in the master’s chambers, they gathered for the feast. they stab it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast. last thing i remember, i was running for the door. i had to find the passage back to the place i was before. 'relax,' said the night man, 'we are programmed to receive. you can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave!"

sammy.

the only one on this planet that i will ever let near my feet.

surprise, surprise.

he made me love school on a monday. i think he wins.

countdowns.

5 days until winter break.
9 days until Christmas.
15 days until New Year's.
37 days until my 17th birthday.
life goes by too quickly nowadays. if only time would slow down a little to let me catch up.

star struck.

"where is your inspiration? you lost it, oh so long ago. so much for innovation, i saw this coming long before. you had no motivation, your hopes are high but trapped below. this constant competition, we've won but you're still keeping score. but i grew up, wishing on a star. you think i won't ever get too far. so high on dedication, it feels so good to get away from all this repetition, this angry town, this battleground. so now we'll break tradition, we'll leave you swimming in our wake. without your inspiration, you won't survive, you'll surely drown. but i grew up, wishing on a star. you think i won't ever get too far.but i grew up, wishing on a star. you think i won't ever get too far. where is your inspiration? you lost it, oh so long ago..."

happiness is...

1. getting a new pair of gloves to keep me warm.
2. being with my mom.
3. big, blue, fuzzy house slippers that i got last Christmas :)
4. apple pie/pie in general.
5. anticipation for an exciting tomorrow.
6. getting butterflies and not knowing why.
7. this picture. and this one.
8. remembering this, this, and this.
9. watching whose line is it anyway?.
10. doing cartwheels cause i'm so dang happy.

we take over.

not just haha, but HAHAHHA.

one of my favorite things in the world is to laugh until i start crying. i'm talking a side-splitting, tear jerking kind of laughter. the kind where you're cracking up so hysterically you just can't stop and your face hurts when you try and catch your breath. and when you inhale that breath, something inside of you starts rearing its gears and there you go again...laughing your head off until you can't see because the tears are inhibiting your vision. i don't know about you, but it leaves me feeling wonderfully refreshed. everyone could use a good laugh now and then.

and you know what's even better than laughing until you cry? having someone to laugh with you until you cry. it's the best. whether it's laughing at a table in your english class with the person sitting next to you or sitting in the field during lunch and talking about windshield wipers on airplanes (and birds that prove to be useless), laughter can be evoked anywhere. you should really try it some time.

besides, it adds a couple years to your lifetime. so why not? :)

putrid.

so i was out shopping today with my mom and sister and while my mom was paying for stuff me and my sister decided to go wait in the car. alyssa went out first and i stayed inside a little longer to look around more. when i walked out of the store, i saw her just standing outside the car with the door opened. why is she not getting in? i wondered to myself. as i got closer i kinda just looked at her funny and she was like..."dude". the utterance of that one word made it all the more confusing.

i got to the car door and went to open it. she was still standing there. i was still puzzled. i pulled on the handle and made it halfway into the car. why only halfway? because that's as far as my nostrils would allow. the inside of the car stank--BIG TIME. so the two of us just stood there, in the freezing cold, refusing to sit in the car.

so my mom comes out and sees her two daughters just standing there with the doors open and gives us the same look i gave my sister when i walked out. but alas, my mother has a cold. she could smell nothing. and let me tell you, this smell was strong. finally, my sister and i mustered up the courage to get in and endure the horrible stench for 7 minutes on the ride home. we kept the windows down and stuck our heads out like dogs. it must have been an interesting sight to see.

the smell was practically completely gone about 3/4 of the way home, but i was still hesitant to breathe. my sister and i have yet to find out how this mysterious smell has come about. i don't really care that much. just as long as i never have to smell it again. hopefully there's no skunk living in our car.

"for you, a thousand times over."

i cannot possibly remember the last time i have cried that hard during a movie. this movie is a MUST SEE. as in, GO NOW. it really opens your eyes to things that are happening in the world. it teaches you about love, loyalty, honor, and friendship and it has officially become one of my favorite movies of all time. please please go watch it. you won't regret it.

(oh, and if you need someone to go with, i'm your girl. i will watch this movie over and over and over and over...then fifteen more times after that.)

what remains...

...of the greatest gingerbread house, made with the best little buddy, on the longest wednesday in the world. stand strong, little gummy man. stand strong.

divide and conquer.

despite what everyone may say, i think it's healthy to have an anxiety attack every once in a while. i know, i know. sounds absurd, right? well, then i guess for the time being let's just say i'm only talking about myself. so let's rephrase: i think it's healthy for me to have an anxiety attack every once in a while. why, you ask? simply because it puts everything into perspective for me. i force myself to think about every little thing i'm worrying about and break it all down. find out all my problems then get myself to a solution.

i had one of these healthy little panic trips today and i'm not exactly sure how it started. it was more in my mind than spoken aloud though. i think it's better that way. i went through the motions of thinking it all out and i'm pretty sure i've got it all settled. i took everything i needed to work on, figured out how i got there in the first place, why i was still there, and how i needed to get out of there, and voila! end freak out.

it may be easier said than done, but we'll see where i land.

what you need to say.

(i've fallen in love with this song.)

new goal.

* run every tuesday and thursday. got that, athena?

playing in my head.

hey there delilah, what's it like in new york city? i'm a thousand miles away, but girl tonight you look so pretty. yes you do. times square can't shine as bright as you. i swear it's true. hey there delilah, don't you worry about the distance. i'm right there if you get lonely. give this song another listen. close your eyes. listen to my voice it's my disguise. i'm by your side.

oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
what you do to me.
hey there delilah, you be good and don't you miss me. two more years and you'll be done with school and i'll be making history like i do. you know it's all because of you. we can do whatever we want to. hey there delilah here's to you. this ones for you.

oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me
what you do to me.

(if just one line of this song somehow reaches my ears, the entire song is stuck in my head. for days. argh. i don't even know who i heard it from today...)

don't worry,

basically...

when things don't add up or balance the way they're supposed to...what do you do?

alice: "panic?!"

someone else: "cry?!?"

me&christine:
"debit: FAILURE.
credit: GOODS STOLEN?!"

...yep. that's the one. accounting is a blast.

(man, i had a good day.)

je ne sais pas.

je vraiment ne comprends pas pourquoi cette classe est trés alésage. vraiment. les minutes vont par si lent. aujourd'hui, victoria et moi ont regardé l'horloge, puis l'un l'autre. nous sommes presque morts. quelquefois... la classe est amusement. seulement quelquefois. je veux dire, j'aime mme pc, mais je juste n'apprends rien (well, i guess not nothing considering i'm writing this). la seule raison que je survis cette classe est parce que de victoria, dominique, soomi, et lily. je serai heureux quand cette année plus de. mais en même temps triste parce que je perds mon temps de petit somme et mon A facile. beh, je ne sais pas.

je vous souhaite un bon journée. au revoir.

(p.s. expression française préférée du jour: "je sucké at life." - jeffrey chao.)

sixteen, going on seventeen.

i shall take a break from reading this oh-so intriguing (no sarcasm intended) scarlet letter and wish a very special someone a happy seventeenth birthday because, well, she is just that important.

ah, kimly. seventeen long years has gone by with you gracing this world with your wonderful presence. apparently, being seventeen is now considered old (especially to a certain math teacher). and yet, to a guy who tries to sell us a magic nail thingamajigger, his mouth begs the question "why so young?" once we utter our ages. you may be only a month and some odd days older than me, but in my eyes, you are many years wiser. from one passing day to another, you never fail to teach me something new. be it something utterly insignificant to the naked eye or a tidbit that makes me wonder so much more about the life i'm living, you never cease to amaze me.

have a happy birthday, love.

hopefully.

what do you want to be when you grow up, athena? i really do hate that question. i never have an answer. but i've come to the conclusion that there is only one thing that i want to be when i grow up. happy. i want to be happy. that's all i want.
and i just liked this one...
:)

got milk? ...no.

never have i been so disappointed in the morning than i was when i opened the fridge to find no milk for my cereal. and the worst part about it? i had already poured the cereal into my bowl! tragic, i know. i wonder if we have any toaster strudel...

lesson of the day:

"always question authority."
"that's how we got here."

pet peeve.

last night i realized something that really really bugged me. first off, i'm not much of a gum chewer. i don't think i ever was. and if i was, it was more so in junior high than it is now. but anyway, gaby gave me a piece of gum on thursday and i didn't feel like chewing it in physics, so i saved it for later. and then yesterday, before i left for the choir show, i remembered i had it. i wasn't hungry enough to eat, so i just stuck the gum in my mouth. this was at 6:30. i left at around 7:00 and the gum was already losing taste. then i got to cook auditorium and still had the gum in my mouth. show started...still chewing. by the time it got around to the third or fourth number, the gum was already dead. like...dead dead. no taste whatsoever dead. i hate dead gum. and what i hate even more is not having somewhere to spit it out. it just sat in my mouth for the rest of the show. dead. it was like chewing rubber (not that i would know what chewing rubber tastes like, but i'm pretty sure it would taste like that gum. maybe better).

i guess i left the wrapper at home, so i looked through my bag to see if i had anything i could use, but found nothing. it was really annoying having that piece of gum in my mouth for so long. 4 hours!! ridiculous, i tell you. and i'm completely against sticking gum underneath chairs and desks and any other place that some innocent person could find (which is another huge pet peeve), so i never considered doing that. anyway, what did i learn from this? gum ain't that great.

makes me smile.

odd banana out.

"so i am a banana. being a banana is not bad at all. there are many advantages to being one. it is a unique fruit that has its own characteristics, way of growth, and way of presenting itself to the world. it is a distinct member of the fruit family. it is sweet and satisfying. i love being a banana. and have you ever noticed that after peeling back a its golden yellow skin, the ripe pulp of a banana is actually a shade of pale yellow? a harmonious mixture of yellow and white together in a sweet, wonderful fruit. it's a nice color, perfectly acceptable, but not many people notice it. here's my final question: if i am a banana, unique, sweet, wonderful...what kind of fruit are you?"

me too. albeit, i'm technically supposed to be a "chocolate covered banana", but there's nothing i can really do about it. i wasn't born with dark skin like other filipinos and there have been times when i looked in the mirror and wondered why, but none of that really matters to me anymore. so what if i'm paler than other filipinos and people have to ask me whether or not i'm filipino rather than just knowing? that's just who i am. and no matter what, i will always be filipino. there's nothing anyone can do to take that away from me. and nothing can change the fact that i'm american either. i've thought about whether i'm more filipino or more american, but my answer is never constant. one day i can be more filipino than the next and on another i can be completely, as kathleen would put it, white-washed. that's just who i am. and, well, i kinda really like it.