someone.

if ever you feel as if your alone in this world, remember that you never are. there will always be someone out there that loves you unconditionally. someone who knows for a fact they can't go a single day without hearing your voice. someone that needs your smile to know things will be alright. someone that doesn't care that you can't do everything they can because they accept you for who you are; and wouldn't want you any other way. someone that thinks about you right before they go to bed so they can have a good night's sleep. someone that just wants to hold your hand. someone that will give up everything just to see you for one more day. someone that will pick you up after you've fallen and scraped both of your knees. someone that can't bear the thought of a future without you. someone that thinks of you when they see something beautiful. someone that runs on the sound of your laughter to get through the day. someone that remembers to keep all their promises to you. someone that thinks of you as more than your average teenager. someone who will need to reach out to you when the world just isn't their friend that day. someone that would rather get hit by lightning than see the hurt in your eyes right before you burst into tears. someone that truly believes in you. someone that could care less about what you wear. someone that just wants to look into your eyes and tell you how they feel. someone that has watched you grow up and wants the best for you because they know what you deserve. someone that believes no one could possibly deserve you. someone that wishes for you at 11:11. someone that can describe you to a person as if they'd known you their entire life. someone that accepts your predictability and embraces it because it's the only thing in their life that's constant. someone that loves your random moments that essentially turn into the highlight of their day. someone that can't remember anything before the sound of your name. someone that wants you to sing to them one last time. someone that has cried for you because they couldn't be any prouder. someone that has cried for you because they thought they were losing you. someone that looks at you and wonders why you're so amazing. someone that is jealous of you because they think you have the perfect life. someone that knows you well enough to know your life is nowhere near perfect and why. someone that just wants to drive in a car with you all night long listening to mixtapes. someone that will stand with you in the rain. someone that will call you to ask if you're okay after seeing you had a bad day. someone that will tell you they love you and mean it with all their heart. someone that is afraid to tell you they love you because they love you that much. someone that shares your interests no matter how strange they may seem. someone that would teach you how to ride a bike if something should happen that made you forget. someone that will read you a bedtime story because you can't fall asleep. someone that marvels at your intelligence. someone that appreciates your generosity. someone that needs you like the air they breathe. someone that thinks of you as their everything.

now, put a name to each of those someones and look at what you've got.

stylistic.

this past week that has gone by so furiously has left me in a curious mood, and one that i have not been familiar with for quite some time. for a while now, i have constantly been weighed down with unfathomable amounts of work to be done at home, which have led me to stay awake, alone, into the wee hours of the morning with as much to be done as your imagination can reach. i felt as if my body were going to collapse like a building hit by a surprising quake; one with the strangest of aftershocks. it was like a neverending cycle of tiring days at school, endless hours of homework, then as many hours of sleep as i could count on one hand alone. but, as of late, there has been a sudden change of pace, and i have become altogether attached to its liking. the usual bedtime of one in the morning has been thrown out the window in a manner of sheer abruptness and replaced with a more suitable hour of nine-thirty in the evening. although the fact that i am not a morning person will most undoubtably never change, i am much more invigorated in the mornings than ever before; therefore, my mood for the day is amazingly lighthearted which affects all events i should happen to partake in. i have grown quite fond this last week of this life of mine without instant messager and myspace, and in general all the time-consuming distractions that have miserably increased my forsaken homework pile, but this route i have taken will obviously benefit me in the long run. i thank you for the support you have given me in my endeavors and beg of you to understand that i shall accompany you through all of yours, no matter how absurd or however difficult they may seem. we shall be pillars for each other; meaning at times i may need to lean on you, but during others i will be there to hold you up. i wish you well, my friend, and hope to see you soon.

mine.

if i had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. and contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. and what it wouldn't be, it would. you see?

and then sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. at times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wondering why you're even in the same room as them. life comes without guarantees. except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and possibly that falling in love will change your life. so, i'm guessing changing the world into something of my own wouldn't exactly work out. cause underneath it all, it's all about point of view. one man's trash is another man's treasure, remember? and living in a world where i'm alone in my happiness is nowhere near what i want. nor anywhere in the range of sanity. but if everything were what it wouldn't be in a world where things aren't what they are, then who would i be? without you? what a mess that would be.

stranded.

just.

"Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, 'He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man', or 'That's not a diamond, it's just a rock.' Just." - J.M. Barrie

limits. that's what that word brings; limits, boundaries, a breaking point. i can't possibly understand, i'm just a kid. personally, i'm not too keen on that word. understandable, no? when i hear the word 'just' i feel as if it's trapping me. i feel as if i can do so much more. i feel as if it's not doing its subject justice. giving it the kind of fairness it deserves. actually, now that i think about it, it's pretty darn patronizing. maybe i'm looking at it the wrong way, but that word is just...inadequate. and yet, i find myself using that word again and again. i don't hate you, i just dislike you. like that's any better, guys.

different words.

as of the last few weeks, it's been difficult for me to decipher the things i used to be so connected with. i knew everything about this (and that), and now...it's like i'm learning everything all over again. and i must say, i'm not too fond of it. watching it happen right in front of me...and then in my mind over and over again. i've seen it all before, but in a different way. to a different person. with a different meaning. in a different place; wait, no. same place. sometimes, i just don't get it. should i question myself? whatever the answer, it still won't get me anywhere. so, better question: should i question you? and they say there's no such thing as a stupid question. i beg to differ. let's redefine better, my friends. and if i could have just one thing, well, i think it'd be nice to have a sense of self-satisfaction.

mr. a-z.

sorry, i had to :)

concert.

yes, the happiness of the concert has yet to wear off after two full days. it was definitely a night to remember. i mean, come on. dave melillo, cute is what we aim for, AND hellogoodbye all in one concert. how freaking amazing is that?! too amazing, i tell you. priya and i couldn't get over how close we were to them. it was incredible. reggie and the full effect i'm not too fond of, but hellogoodbye coming on after them couldn't have made up for it any better. waiting for what seemed like ages while the bands transitioned was totally worth it. i don't even know how to describe the night. it was sooo... asdfghjkl;!!! eeeeeee :) hellogoodbye closed with here in your arms (duh..), but when they got off stage, the entire crowd starting cheering for one more song. they cheered and cheered, but it finally died down. theeeen, he comes back out!!! and he not only does one more song, but TWO!! ahhhhh. oh, it is love and touchdown turnaround. i was sooo happy. you don't even know. we got lucky, cause it was the last show of the tour. so it was the crazy one... where anything goes. and, oh, did it go. i.. just... :D *sigh* Forrest Kline, you melted my heart that night :)

and, of course, the band shirts. impossible to resist. muahahha.
♥

seventeen.

happy birthday, alyssa :)
iii love you more than your bithday cake and john mayer.
COMBINED.

lessons.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes, after that, you'd better know something. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important, it's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I've learned that my friends and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish; few things are more humiliating. And what a tragedy it would be if she believed it. I've learned that your family will always be there for you. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life. I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can erase emotional burdens. I've learned that the word "love" can never be overused. i've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

the game of life.

you want to know what living life to it's fullest actually is? it's waking up monday morning with no complaints. it's knowing you always deserve to laugh. it's doing what feels right, no matter what. it's doing what you want no matter how stupid you look. but what it's mostly about is this: it's about being youself - because no one can tell you you're doing it wrong.

for some reason, i don't feel as if i've been living life to the fullest. i feel like i've been missing things, missing opportunities. have i been trying my hardest at everything i do? no. but have i been happy? yes. is there something wrong with that? i mean, as long as i'm happy everything will be alright, right? i sure hope so. life is good. oh, but, it could be better. dang school and the sudden sense of apathy it brings. but i shall be victorious, life. you'll see. i'm good at games.

it's coming.

yay. they're starting to play Christmas songs on the radio.
and so the countdown begins :)

much obliged.

thank you, first and foremost, for being there for me. night and day. rain or shine. always. thank you for the hugs. that contagious laughter. the smiles from across the room. the high fives. the 'hi' as we walk past each other in the hallway. the food. the support. the skittles. the random compliments. your sheer randomness. the 'thank you's. the cuteness. the weird nicknames. the aimless wandering. the corny jokes. the late night talks. liking my voice on my answering machine. for caring. the water. the homework help. liking me for me. for understanding me. for not judging me. the necklace. the thousands of pictures. the sharing. the generosity. singing to me online. keeping this going. watching over me. showering me with your affection. letting me rant. running with me. skipping with me. walking with me. running in circles with me. keeping me warm. the inside jokes. spoiling me. loving me. for just listening to me. for the music. making me feel special. acting like the big brother i never had. letting me win. telling me i'll always be number one. staying up with me. guiding me. saying my hair smells nice. the unconditional love. the e-mails. the surprises. your dedication. for the ability to make me happy under any circumstance. for being on my side. reminding me to wish. asking me how i am. showing me i am capable of anything. giving me someone to make happy. pushing me (figuratively and literally). letting me cry. sitting with me. giving me someone to look up to. giving me hope. watching tv with me. the encouragement. sharing my obsessions. the movie marathons. for calling me your favorite. for calling me. being my better half. accepting my apologies. thanking me. noticing me. and last, but not least, thank you for your consideration.

soothe my soul.

"If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud."
music: one of the few things i know i can always depend on to save me from my misery. literally. i come home knowing i have hours of homework ahead of me, but do i fret? do i worry? do i have an uncontrollable panic attack? well, maybe for those five minutes as i sit on my bed thinking of the long night ahead of me. but once those five minutes have elapsed and everything has finally sunk in, i grab my backpack, grab my ipod, and suddenly everything seems a little bit better. holding that tiny little music player in my hand just does something to me. i don't know what it does exactly, or how, but for some reason i feel like i can get through the night. no worries, no panic attacks. just slowly getting through those miles of homework one song after another. and as the night goes by, earphones still glued to my ears, i wonder how it could possibly be that these words that are seeping into my head through my ipod can express exactly how i am feeling at the moment. there are few people in this world that know me well enough to do that. so basically, without music, my happiness wouldn't be able to reach it's ultimate high.

listen to the cookie.

for once, it isn't a matter of reason.

redeemed.

november 19, 2006JAMESON (8:42:33 PM): so i just have to say this
JAMESON (8:42:37 PM): ehem
JAMESON (8:42:48 PM): you are a very great person athena,
JAMESON (8:42:53 PM): you have let me down this weekend
JAMESON (8:43:04 PM): and i am dissapointed 3x
JAMESON (8:43:21 PM): but i know that you will do something spectacualr for me by tuesday
JAMESON (8:43:33 PM): cause p.s. im not gonna be here wednesday or next monday
JAMESON (8:43:58 PM): so i know that i will recieve something that will top any other gift that i will receive in the history of gift giving
JAMESON (8:44:09 PM): is this true?
ATHENA (8:44:19 PM): it is so true it's not even funny.
JAMESON (9:25:15 PM ): im expecting something amazing, litterally amazing

november 20, 2006JAMESON (8:34:37 PM): athena, that is probebly one fo the greatest suggestions that you have ever come up with
JAMESON (8:43:17 PM): wow athena, that relly just makes me wanna cry its so freakin good
ATHENA (8:43:27 PM): hahaha
JAMESON (8:43:29 PM): really*
ATHENA (8:43:30 PM): chyeahhh
JAMESON (8:43:38 PM): your a freakin genius
JAMESON (8:43:48 PM): you know what
ATHENA (8:43:51 PM): what?
JAMESON (8:43:53 PM): taht was your gift
JAMESON (8:44:00 PM): you dont have to do anything else
ATHENA (8:44:07 PM): i'm forgiven?!?
JAMESON (8:44:17 PM): you ahve raised the bar of something called a "very close friend" and set the standard
JAMESON (8:47:31 PM): your the best
JAMESON (8:47:35 PM): i cant thank you enough
JAMESON (8:47:40 PM): AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
JAMESON (8:47:42 PM): YOUR SO GREAT

yeah, i can redeem myself within 24 hours. it's a gift. :)

can i go back, please?

If ever there is tomorrow
And we’re not together..
There is something you must
Always remember:
You are braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is,
Even if we’re apart..
I’ll always be with you.
-Winnie the pooh
oh, how i wish to be six again, when advice was easier to give and take. when drama was when someone got more sprinkles on their ice cream than i did. and when the only thing we'd have to worry about was getting cooties. i miss playing outside with my neighbors until the porch lights came on. now, i sit inside at night doing homework and i'm the one who actually turns on the porch light. who would have ever imagined i'd be that person? at six i may have imagined the boogey monster under my bed and some other monster in my closet or running around the house, but i always had my dad to scare them away. but now i'm older; i have to face my problems myself. but i can't just scare them away this time. i actually have to get rid of them. otherwise, they'll just come back to haunt me. growing up isn't all that bad though. i mean, more freedom, right? right. but, of course, then comes more responsibility. there's always a catch. i wish i was six again so that coloring in the lines would be my top priority once more. no more stress. less worries. more fun. but at fifteen, i can do this. i was wrong when i said i had to face my problems alone, cause i don't. hello, athena. remember those people that have always been there for you no matter what? those people you don't have to try to impress? the ones you look to for support, understanding, courage, guidance, strength, forgiveness, love, and trust? yeah, they're there. 24/7. best friends, the ones that you feel like you've known since you were six. or basically, your whole life. okay, i'm good. just keep reminding me.

expectations.

and as the school day has come and gone leaving first quarter done and completed, i sit here realizing my expectations for myself have lessened immensely. what happened to the athena that always did extra credit when she had the opportunity? what happened to the athena that always did her homework? what happened to the athena that didn't wait until the last minute to do something so that she could actually put a great deal of effort into working on it? i wish i could find her again. because who i am right now, i honestly can't say i'm proud of. my average bed time has changed from 10:30 to two o'clock in the morning. sleeping at eleven seems like a luxury to me now. i don't expect myself to finish early anymore because i don't think that i can. therefore, i don't even try. lame, no? i remember the days when i used to freak out when i got a B on something. but now, a B is like.. whatever to me. but not only am i not meeting my own expectations, but i feel as if i'm not reaching the expectations other people have of me. i know it shouldn't matter cause i have to do what i know is right for me and i know that. but i can't stand letting other people down. and the last thing i want someone to do is lower their expectations of me. i have to try harder. more for myself than anything else. because, quite frankly, i'm highly disappointed.

one of those days.

summary?
- woke up late and rushed to school.
- left my euro homework in the printer, which i stayed up until one in the morning doing.
- forgot to bring a jacket and was freezing to death in the morning.
- got hit and knocked down twice during football.
- my jaw hurts immensely and the bruise next to my eye is blue and hurts without me even touching it.
- cried twice during school.
- basically failed my frq.
- presented powerpoint in hale even though i wasn't ready and i really didn't want to.
- found out my latest chemistry grade.
- came home, took an unplanned nap until 5:30, and slept through the jv game without knowing it.
- recieved a major guilt trip.
- cried once more. total = 3.

key points?
1. i'm sorry i disappointed you. i told you i'd be there and i wasn't. i'm sorry.
2. i now feel like crying over the tiniest little things.
3. things were so perfect with life, why does this all have to happen at one time?

it's like one big smack in the face. and to top it all off, i still have homework to do. whatever, i give up.

conclusion?
- just about the crappiest day in...ever.

= i need pie. oh, and friends would be helpful, too.

force of good.

the world needs a hero. around every corner bad stuff is out there lurking. because that's what bad stuff does. it lurks. not runs. not walks, nor strolls. but lurks. and so the question arises: who will defend goodness? who will conquer hard-to-open peanut packages? stand up against washing machines that steal socks, and vanquish restrooms of empty, deserted rolls of toilet paper? who will stand up and say "no. no, pimple, you will not make the day bad, nor you, chewing gum stuck to the sole of my shoe. you can test my patience, but you cannot take my smile." who will champion snooze buttons, clouds that look like furry animals, and all-you-can-eat buffets? who will step into the ring and become a force of good? who will your force of good turn out to be?