in retrospect.

the year had just begun and she read over and over her new list of oh-so-possible resolutions. she knew she could make them happen. all she had to do was try. her willpower would truly be tested for the coming year. she was happy with a new year to start fresh although she was perfectly fine with her life at the time. the last four months of the past year had given her a taste of a new school with a considerable amount of new friends. a birthday passed and she had just turned fifteen. she recieved an iPod as a gift and from that day forward, she couldn't last a day without it. another year older, another year wiser.

school continued and was basically taking up her entire life. she regretted not having time for anything else, but was there really anything she could do? there probably was...but the month went on in that same state-of-life. she went to a valentine's dance on the tenth of this month and recalls it as the best dance she has ever been to. so far. valentine's day came and went and was nothing special to her as it happened every year. she joked with her friends about the fact that it was singles awareness day, but she always wished she didn't have to celebrate it that way. the only thing she had ever liked about valentine's day was the fact that her daddy gave her chocolates and told her he loved her. it was nearing the end of the month and she remembers a certain day that she hates remembering at all. it was the twenty-seventh and it was raining. they were hanging out in sizer for a while, then the baseball team kicked them out cause they needed somewhere to meet. so they walked out into the rain and she figured she should just ask. but he wouldn't even listen to her. he was ignoring her, so she just gave up and walked the other way. then he came back out. he talked to her and she felt better. the next day he wrote her a note. she still has the note...

friendships grew stronger and she was realizing what the meaning of friendship truly was. the month started off perfectly. cause everything was normal. everything seemed balanced. and she liked it. it was only the second day of the month and she finally got jeff to get aim. oh, how naive she was. it was the first night he had aim and yet their conversation turned into the longest one she had ever had with anyone. they stayed up until 4:30 in the morning talking (with some homework mixed in there). and little did she know, that wouldn't be the last time that happened. she watched the international assembly and was excited to see her most favorite filipinos do binasuan. she was quite proud of them. oh, and she believes this was the month she accompanied someone on their first rampage.

there's not much she can remember about this month except for spring break. she desperately needed it and it turned out just the way she wanted. she hadn't seen her anjelica in the longest time and missed her to death. but she finally got to hang out with her and rona at huntington beach. they took an incredible amount of pictures and talked like they hadn't even been apart at all. they ate at bj's and then when the day was over, promised each other they'd hang out like this again soon. she knew anjelica was always good with her promises.

she was quite satisfied with the goings-on in her life and had no idea how much would be going on in this month alone. the first thing that comes to her mind when she looks back on it, was the day mimi fell down on her and twisted her ankle. she had never broken anyone before and she felt terrible...she became a slave for a while. besides all of that, she was very content with her life. mother's day came and she made one of the best cards ever. she was very proud of herself. then the last class activity of the year came up and she had herself an amazing time. first of all, she got to watch two johnny depp movies. that alone would leave her giddy (and it did). all through pirates of the caribbean, her strange friend d-ho made quite interesting noises that cracked her up immensely, her short-friend-shane-who-will-never-be-taller-than-her was getting a workout for the weirdest reason, and her confused friend jeff questioned the plural of twix...the next day she got an invitation to the awards ceremony for school and puzzled herself until her puzzler was sore as to whom would give her an award. she wouldn't figure out who until the ceremony came. and it was the last person she would have guessed...but she was very pleased.

she experienced her last choir show until senior year in june. it was goodbye choir, hello euro. she had fun with choir and was a bit sad she wasn't doing it anymore for a couple years, but not all that sad. one birthday came after the other during the month. first rona's, then victoria's, then katherine's. it was nice. then one day, she went to the knott avenue christian church to watch the orangeview choir show, but she had no idea it would turn out to be a spanish show. she endured the show with her friends and had a surprisingly good time. and when the night ended, she got to take a picture with the guitarist. his name was andy. she finally got her yearbook and was very happy. it was the most beautiful yearbook she had ever laid eyes on. it was like holding a piece of art in her hands. and that piece of art contained the writings of close friends sharing their favorite memories of the year with her and how they hoped she would have a good summer. she was glad she had made enough memories with everyone so that they could all write a page for her. although some did manage to write more. the last day of school arrived and she was deeply saddened. a whole two months she would go without seeing many of her friends. but that wouldn't stop her from hanging out with some of them as soon as two days after school got out.

her first month of summer break after her first year at oxford felt good. not having work to do every single night pleased her very much. and yet she was already wishing school would come because she missed all of her friends. she was never good at making decisions. she surprised herself immensely when she finished her first summer assignment book this month. earlier she had thought she wouldn't even start one of them until august. it was a very good surprise. then she started tennis. it made her very happy. but on her first day of camp, she was running after the ball and she slipped and fell. it hurt a lot. and she still has the scar on her elbow. but despite that, she continued to play for weeks and enjoyed it very much. once tennis was over, she got a trophy for first place. she was quite the happy camper.

it was getting closer and closer to school and she was stressing out about all the homework she wasn't doing. but the first week of august was filled with birthdays to sidetrack her mind. anjelica, gaby, and jeff, all turning fifteen. she has yet to give jeffrey his present and she feels extremely terrible for prolonging it. but she has had absolutely no time to work on it. and not until decemeber would she literally be held incapable of working on it considering a horrible turn of events that left her, well, without the proper resources to finish it. she promises it will come sooner or later...

and then september came around and she was glad she'd get to see all of her friends soon. she was given the opportunity to see many of them before school even started because of a certain bonfire. it was very fun, and she got to eat marshmallows, so of course she was happy. the next day, she watched andre agassi play in the U.S. open, but she had no idea it would be the last match of his career. after watching him basically her entire life, she was saddened greatly when he walked off the court after losing to benjamin becker. school started and it was time to get rid of her summer-wasted brain. she was happy to see everyone again, but had no idea what her sophomore year would bring her through in only a matter of months. her dad's birthday came and it was a sad and happy day all mixed into one. it was only sad because it was september eleventh, and everyone mourned the loss of lives that horrible day 5 years ago. but despite that, she had a good day with her family.

she had her ups and downs this month, but it was the ups that towered over everything. she remembers a certain message t-shirt day, where she got to wear her wonderful free hugs shirt (and she thanks victoria a million times over). she had no idea what the power of a hug could do for a person. she thought it a good feeling. that same day, she and the rest of class committee put together the best class activity there ever was. she'll most likely never forget that night because it was just that amazing. and for some reason she remembers a quite embarrasing moment that occurred during this month. she was walking with jeff and albert and begins walking around a pillar, but runs straight into it instead. she clearly saw it in front of her and yet her sense of direction completely failed her. for some reason, it didn't surprise her.

november was the worst month of the year for her...until the end. it started off terribly and she just wanted to give up. the worst day she has endured (at least the worst one she can remember) occured during this month. she cried three times and she still didn't feel like that was enough. it just kept getting worse as the day went on and all she wanted to do was go home. this was also when she realized she wasn't doing so great with her grades. it hadn't hit her until then and she wonders why it took her so long to fix everything. thanksgiving came and she forgot all her worries. family kind of has that effect on her. she thought about all she was thankful for and realized she's got it pretty good. from here on out, she stopped a lot of her worrying. and then her sister's birthday came. a lot of food was eaten, which made the day that much better. then later that night, she went to her first concert. it was better than she had ever dreamed it would be. that was definitely a night to remember. oh, and she almost forgot. this was also the day she quit myspace and aim...

out of all the months in the year, the last one to come was probably her favorite. her grades were getting much better and she was getting closer and closer to her best friend. life was amazing for her. and for once, she wasn't so caught up in her own problems that didn't allow her to help her friends with theirs. she was able to talk with her friends about their troubles. and for the first time in a while, she felt as if she was finally giving back to everyone who ever took the time out of their lives to help her with whatever she needed help with. she had more time to think about life now that she always slept at 9:30 every night. and now when she pondered about life, it was different. she no longer thought about it in a way that forced her to think about how to do things differently soon afterwards, but now when she thought about it, nothing was forced on her except a satisfied grin on her face. on the twentieth of the month, she finally got her braces. she wasn't too happy about having metal in her mouth, but it had been delayed long enough. the first few days she talked funny and people thought she was cuter...she got used to it after a while. the Christmas she had that year was one of the best she had ever experienced. and now a new year is coming for her. another twelve months to prove herself. prove that she can do all that she aspires to. that willpower of hers will once again be tested.

and with all that said and done, all she wants is to make this year better than the last...