me too.

"the smell of your skin lingers on me now. your probably on your flight back to your home town. i need some shelter of my own protection baby. to be with myself in center clarity, peace, serenity. i hope you know, i hope you know that this has nothing to do with you. it's personal, myself and i. we've got some straightenin' out to do. and i'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but i've got to get a move on with my life. it's time to be a big girl now. and big girls don't cry..."

selfish. that's what she was being. and she HATES herself for it. more than you know. how is it that through this whole situation, everything always came back to "how is this going to affect me? this has nothing to do with her. but apparently, she can't get that through her thick head. she has to stop thinking about herself. she has to learn how to put this person before herself. because this person has done that for her so many times. because this person deserves more than she has been giving this person. because when you love someone, you have to learn to make sacrifices for them. she doesn't understand herself right now. and it frustrates her.

be a big girl? easier said than done. if you say big girls don't cry, then she doesn't wanna be a big girl. she needs to cry. it helps. in a good way. too many emotions built up inside. it confuses her. makes her wonder what's wrong with her. which then just adds to the whole mess of things. she needs to ask herself one question. and that question being, "how much do you really love this person?" enough to realize that this is what's best? enough to understand that promises made will be promises kept? and enough to come to terms with the fact that this is what needs to happen? yes. to all of the above.

(sorry this is such a depressing post. i just needed to vent. i'll be better by tomorrow. goodnight, world.)