Wednesday, January 13, 2010

everything is illuminated.

“so she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love — loving the loving of things whose existence she didn’t care at all about. love itself became the object of her love. she loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. it was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exist." - jonathan safran foer

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

happy people.

"happy people should have happy things happen to them."

i didn't go out at all today and i had nothing to do, so i spent the day watching grey's anatomy. this is pretty much what i do late at night or whenever i don't feel like getting out of bed. but watching episode after episode is an amazing feat, considering that every. single. episode. is extremely depressing. a mother losing her unborn child, a man who's fiancée left him because she couldn't stand seeing him weak with cancer, a daughter going into a routine surgery and coming out blind or paralyzed. very very depressing.

but what makes the situation even more unbearable is that the majority of the patients who get admitted into the hospital for life threatening illnesses (or those that succumb to those illnesses) never deserve to be there, to have to suffer, or to have to die. if you think about it, there is no one who really deserves that. but these people...they're normal people. they live normal lives. they're happy. then all of a sudden their world is turned upside down and they feel helpless. then they're not happy anymore.

happy people should have happy things happen to them. but i guess if any of us want to know what true happiness is, we must also know pain and suffering. only then can we understand the power of happiness.

i need to stop letting tv shows affect me so much.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

47m 29s.

right before you called, tears were in my eyes.
right before you called, i was about to go to bed sad, angry,and lonely.
right before you called, i hated everything.
right before you called, it seemed like the world had gone rotten.
right before you called, i wished someone would call.

right after you called, i caught myself smiling.
right after you called, going to bed content was easy.
right after you called, i no longer hated everything.
right after you called, i realized all i needed was the comforting sound of someone's voice.
right after you called, i was so glad you called.

thank you for calling.


Saturday, January 02, 2010

to be forgiving.

i found that there are different levels of forgiving someone. to forgive someone, according to the merriam-webster dictionary, is "to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult)." or "to grant relief of payment from (forgive a debt)." or "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)."

or simply... "to grant forgiveness."

but granting this aforementioned forgiveness is so difficult for so many people. why? because someone may say that they have forgiven you or someone else when really, they haven't. and they have to live with pretending that everything is okay, all the while the anger and resentment is eating them up inside.

i admit, i know first hand how hard it is to forgive someone who has done you wrong. it's hard to understand that people can really be sorry for being purposefully mean, cold, and unfriendly. but it happens. people can be sorry.

i can't even count the number of people that have been kind enough to forgive me over the years. forgive me for things like being the person they landed on when they rolled their ankle or for something small like owing them a couple bucks.

so if other people are strong enough to be forgiving, i can surely try just as hard.

this is my new year's resolution: to be forgiving.