august 17.

"you are the music in me. it's like i knew you before we met. can't explain it. there's no name for it. i'm saying words i never said. and it was easy because you see the real me. as i am, you understand. and that's more than i've ever known. to hear your voice above the noise and know i'm not alone. oh you're singing to me. when i hear my favorite song i know that we belong. you are the music in me..."

muahaha. high school musical 2 is almost here! hooray! i must admit, i got really sick of listening to high school musical songs after a while. but can you blame me? they were everywhere. no joke. so it disgusted me for a while. but now....more new songs to listen to over and over again until i get sick of them! haha. oh, how i absolutely love disney channel.

woah.

dogs. news. lobbies. secrets. lines. awards. sisters. backs. "jenny". family. not mine. couches. realization.

...that was by far the weirdest, most confusing dream i have ever had. the craziest part is that it all still seems so real. asjkhadls; creepy.

fun.

so these past three days have been pretty tiring, but fun nonetheless. (partly because i haven't touched my summer assignment at all within this time period. muahaha.) so here's the play-by-play:

on tuesday i was home doing absolutely nothing except sitting (well, lying really) in front of the television, slowly rotting away. until kimly, the lifesaver that she is (literally now. HAHAH.), calls me and asks me to come over. so i head over there within the next 20 or so minutes and we watched what i like about you for a little while. then we ate some of vincent's going away cake, but ran out of milk so we walked to walgreens to get some. it was ridiculously hot and it seemed like her house kept getting farther and farther away. but we survived. so after refreshing ourselves with milk, we proceeded to watch breakfast at tiffany's with kimly reciting lines from her favorite scenes being the audrey hepburn fanatic she is :) then afterwards we watched serendipity. such a good movie! alksjfa; i loved it. it had been a while since i watched a good chick-flick. i went home at around 7 or 8. i can't really remember. and the rest of the night was kind of a blur.

wendnesday i went to the oc fair with christina, victoria, jeff, and ryan. it was fun, but really, really hot. lots of walking was done, rides were ridden, really good fried zucchini was eaten, and shows were watched. the hypnotist show we watched was sooo funny. that shakira bit was a tad disturbing though. haha. after standing in that planter for so long, the balls of my feet started to hurt, but i guess that's what i get for wearing flip-flops. haha. me and victoria went back to jeff's house afterwards and played aggravation(?). jeff won. haha. and then we ended the night with brain regan. goooood stuff.

now thursday was jameson's sixteenth birthday. exciting in itself, no? so me, jeff, and melissa went over to his house for a little celebration and hanging out. watched them play video games, scoured jameson's room, watched the turtle walk around, played skip-bo (jeff won. haha.), ate pizza, watched parts of sleepy hollow, and then decided to go miniature golfing. it was way fun, but it's a good thing we didn't keep score. haha. on the way the way there jeff had a bit of an overdramatic reaction when we passed the entrance to camelot. HAHAHAHHAHA. the hand gesture was priceless. soo funny. wooo. but then melissa and i forgot to mock him all night with it :( haha. oh well. we stayed at camelot for so long. i think we got there at around 7:30 and we left at 10:00. two and a half hours of mini-golfing. now that's intense. then when we came back we had some ice cream and jameson opened his super cool present. then when i came home, i opened the freezer and found some ben&jerry's waiting for me. haha. so of course, i couldn't resist. what a perfect ending to an already perfect day.

and as for today, i haven't really done much of anything. but that's okay. yay for doing more stuff tomorrow. i love summer!

laughing fit.

this was too good to not blog. HAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA.

follow through.

skadlgja; i love this video.

yay!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAMESON!! i know one thing's for sure. if it wasn't for him sitting next to me in chem, i would've gone insane. and at this very moment would be sitting in some mental institution staring at four blank walls. with no windows. hooray!

call me crazy.

"you know what's wrong with you, miss whoever-you-are? you're chicken, you've got no guts. you're afraid to stick out your chin and say, 'okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness'. you call yourself a free spirit, a 'wild thing', and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. well baby, you're already in that cage. you built it yourself. and it's not bounded in the west by tulip, texas, or in the east by somaliland. it's wherever you go. because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself." - breakfast at tiffany's

you know, i think i've been running into myself a lot lately. denial; that's the reason. i run from my problems and then they chase me until i face them. at least i've come to terms with the fact that i know i've been running from them. until recently i used to think it was called "being strong". i don't wanna run anymore. i want to learn to accept it. i want to actually be strong instead of just thinking i am. cause the stuff that goes on in my mind when i "think", well, it doesn't always make sense.

(dang, this post didn't make any sense either. sorry.)

then what?

alice: i simply must get through!
doorknob: sorry, you're much too big. simply impassible.
alice: you mean impossible?
doorknob: no, impassible. nothing's impossible.
- alice in wonderland.

he's pretty smart for a doorknob. and if nothing really is impossible, the question is, "what do i do first?"

apparently.

i've realized that a wasted day shouldn't be weighed upon how many hours i'm awake, but upon what i actually do during those waking hours. and now that i think about, it wasn't so wasted after all. to me, the most wasted kind of day is a day where i don't get to laugh. a day where i don't get to talk to my best friend. a day where i don't get to talk to ANY of my friends. a day where i don't take the opportunity to get some homework done. a day where the sound of music doesn't reach my ear. a day where all i do is sit on my butt and watch television all day (unless it's gilmore girls or whose line). or a day where my dog has a more productive day than i do.

and i think...i've become...a morning person...

woah.

wasted.

i'm very disappointed in myself right now. i woke up so late this morning. it was ridiculous. i feel like my day was completely wasted. because "happy wake everyone up boy" decided not to call me this morning and wake me up. which i have become very accustomed to by the way. oh well. i'll be my own alarm clock! and maybe not sleeping at 2:00 every morning will help me wake up easier in the mornings...

p.s. SOMEONE needs to get their new phone so they can be my new alarm clock. at least when school starts :)

chocolate milk.

haha, i love how i was missing a tooth. yay. and this is why i always think my right eye is smaller than my left. cause it was when i was little...i'm not crazy!! and hey, i'm glasses free again! :D

anyway, this is athena when she was in kindergarten. when boys still had cooties. when i followed my sister around obnoxiously because i thought she was soo cool. when my answer to the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" would always, without a doubt, be "my mom". when i got stickers put on all my papers. when falling and scraping my knees was the only kind of pain i knew. when chocolate milk was the best thing invented EVER. and when coloring inside the lines was the only problem i had. these, my friend, are what the good old days really were.

i can't remember the last time i had chocolate milk...

eyes & promises.

"every time i close my eyes i thank the Lord that i've got you. and you've got me too. and every time i think of it i pinch myself cause i don't believe its true that someone like you loves me too..."

i woke up this morning and my eyes hurt. a lot. i didn't want to open them. i didn't want to get out of bed. eventually i did. i looked in the mirror and i looked like a train wreck. not surprising considering the night i had when i got home.

you promised me. and i trust you. watch me make the best of this.

anywhere.

take me somewhere :(

me too.

"the smell of your skin lingers on me now. your probably on your flight back to your home town. i need some shelter of my own protection baby. to be with myself in center clarity, peace, serenity. i hope you know, i hope you know that this has nothing to do with you. it's personal, myself and i. we've got some straightenin' out to do. and i'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but i've got to get a move on with my life. it's time to be a big girl now. and big girls don't cry..."

selfish. that's what she was being. and she HATES herself for it. more than you know. how is it that through this whole situation, everything always came back to "how is this going to affect me? this has nothing to do with her. but apparently, she can't get that through her thick head. she has to stop thinking about herself. she has to learn how to put this person before herself. because this person has done that for her so many times. because this person deserves more than she has been giving this person. because when you love someone, you have to learn to make sacrifices for them. she doesn't understand herself right now. and it frustrates her.

be a big girl? easier said than done. if you say big girls don't cry, then she doesn't wanna be a big girl. she needs to cry. it helps. in a good way. too many emotions built up inside. it confuses her. makes her wonder what's wrong with her. which then just adds to the whole mess of things. she needs to ask herself one question. and that question being, "how much do you really love this person?" enough to realize that this is what's best? enough to understand that promises made will be promises kept? and enough to come to terms with the fact that this is what needs to happen? yes. to all of the above.

(sorry this is such a depressing post. i just needed to vent. i'll be better by tomorrow. goodnight, world.)

acapella #2.

"look around your world, pretty baby. is it everything you hoped it'd be?"

(sorry, the resolution stinks. but the vocals make up for it. haha.)

cover.

i like this. a lot actually. i'm in this acapella phase right now. it's fun.

♥ stuck.

"i could stay awake just to hear you breathing. watch you smile while you are sleeping. while you're far away dreaming, i could spend my life in this sweet surrender. i could stay lost in this moment forever. every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure. don't want to close my eyes. i don't want to fall asleep. cause i'd miss you baby. and i don't want to miss a thing. cause even when i dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. i'd still miss you baby. and i don't want to miss a thing.

lying close to you feeling your heart beating. and i'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if its me you're seeing. then i kiss your eyes and thank God were together. i just want to stay with you in this moment forever. don't want to close my eyes. i don't want to fall asleep. cause i'd miss you baby. and i don't want to miss a thing. cause even when i dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. i'd still miss you baby. and i don't want to miss a thing.

i don't want to miss one smile. i don't want to miss one kiss. i just want to be with you. right here with you, just like this. i just want to hold you close. feel your heart so close to mine and just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time. don't want to close my eyes. i don't want to fall asleep. cause i'd miss you baby. and i don't want to miss a thing. cause even when i dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do. i'd still miss you baby. and i don't want to miss a thing..."


one of my favorite songs of all time. and it's been randomly stuck in my head all day. hence the posting of it.

the big 3-4.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM! haha, that sounds soo weird. i never call her mom. like, never. always mommy :) aslkfjas; it always seems like we eat the most on her birthday. but oh well. no complaints. HAHA. gosh, i love her.

(picture later.)

puhpuhpuhpriya.

aklsdhg; HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRIYA!! i love how the two of us got soo much closer this past year. whenever i think about times i've spent with her, the first thing that always comes into my head is studying health terms in history (and acing that test, by the way). i was laughing so hard i couldn't breathe. tears were even produced. it was ridiculous really. <3

ooh, palindromes.

i didn't get what this was right away. but when i realized what he was doing...i was amazed. haha. this is pretty intense. and i agree with alice. i used to think i was cool cause i knew about racecar...

(the trash bags and the two people talking in the background add a nice touch, don't you think?)

pool #2.

(while swimming in the pool...)

kathleen: yea, my dad called me fat!
me: does your dad need glasses?!
kathleen: no he had lasik (eye surgery). haha.
jessica: my dad had lasik, too.
jessica: but now he can't see.
me: O_O
jessica: NO! HAHA, i mean he got farsighted!
me: OH. HAHAHHA, I THOUGHT HE GOT BLIND FROM THE SURGERY.

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA. THAT WAS SOOO FUNNY.

it was, i promise. you had to be there.

wow...today was a good day :D

"i told you so."

i officially hate that phrase. and i hate myself for not getting my license. i want it. now. somehow i KNEW this would come back and kick me in the butt. and yet, i did nothing about it. i'm bitter. can you tell?

reinforcement.

anvoanvoanvoanvo (1:02:22 AM): are you prepared to hear a whole lot of mush
xUHTHEENUH (1:02:46 AM): mush away
anvoanvoanvoanvo (1:09:50 AM): she's my best friend. i didn't have a best to turn to for a long time. my friends were cool, but who'd be there for me? good thing she was. you don't know exactly how warm a person is until you fall in love. i ran two miles to a vons and back, (had a very fun time doing it) to get her some shoelaces, because hers weren't doing so well. you don't know how lucky you are until you fall in love. i underestimate her all the time. she's there when i need and does what i ask. she let me borrow her ds for the trip to san jose. you don't know how it feels to have your heart stop and sigh until you fall in love.

my one night back on aim brought me many wise words. an and i talked for about two hours. about life in general. regrets. summer. favorites/bests. hands and feet. friends and lovers. it was interesting. getting opinions from a guy's point of view is always a nice change.

and as i layed in bed that night slowly falling asleep, i realized something: my shoelaces are holding up pretty darn well.

storytime.

once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others...including Love. one day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. so all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. she wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. when the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave.

she began looking for someone to ask for help. just then, Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, can i come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "i'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you." then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "i can't help you," Vanity said, "you are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, i just need to be alone now." then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." but Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.

Love began to cry. then, she heard a voice say, "come Love, i will take you with me." it was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. when they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and asked, "who was it that helped me?" "it was Time", Knowledge answered. "but why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "because only Time is capable of understanding how great love is."

good things take time.

disappointed.

i've been waiting to watch oceans for a while now. so today me, melissa, jeff, and jameson went to go watch it. i came out rather disappointed. why is it that the first ones are always the best? maybe i expect too much. oh well. at least we finally got to hang out today.

and yay for not spending any money! it was nice being treated to today. but it kinda stinks knowing that the reason i had to be treated to was cause i was broke. haha. i like friends. and i shop too much :(

mashed potatoes.

i got a lot of thinking done today. (not surprising considering this sunburn makes me not want to move.) the summation of it all consists of the following: finding things out unintentionally kinda sucks. especially when it's something you didn't want to know. i'm really scared my camera is gonna die soon. i hate sand (in my camera at least). i'll cry if it breaks. if you know me at all, you know i'm not kidding. i like my contacts. but i look different. i think. i'm not a big fan of change. i kinda hate that about myself. i miss my best friend :( and i miss those hugs. not being able to see people five times a week is getting to me. i should try going on a diet. that won't last. oh well. it's the thought that counts. i still need to see ocean's. aljsf;afk i was supposed to see it the day it came out too -_- i miss sitting in barnes&noble and reading books. this sunburn really needs to stop. my dog has followed me around more than usual today. it's entertaining. you know what else is entertaining? bowling. i wanna go bowling. let's go bowling. anyone? anyone? i wish i wasn't afraid of going on ferris wheels. i wish hadn't seen a lady fall out of one on tv when i was little. it scarred me. for life? who knows. i hate sitting around and watching tv all day. the weather feels really good right now. i still don't get how people can predict the weather. i hate ants. i can wear sunglasses and see at the same time! i'm too easily amused. i need grapes. so about that bowling thing i mentioned...

burned.

yesterday? fun. today? not fun. sunburns can go die.
this never happened before :(

bonding.

first of all, i'd like to point out that our committee severely lacks in the hearing department...

rona: do you think her wall is high?
me: WHO?!?

becky: *talking to a bug in the pool* come here!
gaby: JAVIER?!?
(...we then proceeded to name every bug we found in that area.)

turning into mermaids every full moon. horsey races. handstand contests. vibrating pool thingamawhatever. life...person. lifeGUARD?!? jacuzzi. jets. repetitive radio songs. WALK IT OUTTT. comfy floating devices. kelsy's sunglasses!<3 gaby's bubbles. spinning in circles. pizza. tacos. cake. fries. flies. bee stings. burning. tanning. self-timer. and of course..."yay vaginas!" haha. good thing rona's not a guy ;)

i have an insane swimsuit tan. but that's okay. as rona said, it was worth it.

so much love.

"hats need a beat, like awake needs asleep. like a pen needs a page, to re-write you need a mistake. hearts need a mind, like a clock needs the time, like white needs black. if you leave i hope you need to come back. oh, i swear, i know, i believe it. oh, i can't stop hearing all the singing. oh, my soul has never had this feeling. and it feels like gold. you got so much love in you. you got so much love in you. i'm amazed that i'm talkin' to you. you look like the songs that i've heard my whole life coming true..."

stand, sit, bend.

hahha, i can never get enough of this show...

come back!

for some odd reason, i see this as me and christina.
HAHAHHHAHAH.
so obviously, i need a hobby.

crayons.

"life is like a box of crayons. most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. i fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though i've got a few missing. it's ok though, because i've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. i have a bit of a problem though in that i can only meet the 8-color boxes. does anyone else have that problem? i mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. so when i meet someone who's an 8-color type...i'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and i'm like, "no - i want magenta!" - john mayer.

amen.

hard to come by.

so i've realized that after spending an entire weekend with these two hooligans, everything else seems so....blah. seriously it was one of the greatest weekends ever. it started out with wandering with committee, then later that night i went to christina's to spend the night. and rona got to stay!! which made it ten times more fun. stomp the yard was an amazing movie. i'm surprised i never watched it before. just my luck wasn't all that great. i think it was only cause stomp the yard was so much better. haha. but then after the movie-watching, the three of us stayed up until 6 in the morning. yeah, even i have trouble understanding the fact that we did that. (KENYA?!? YAHWILL!! hahahhah!) but going down memory lane was fun :) so much has happened these past two years. it's crazy. i couldn't even remember a lot of it. but yayy for rona who reminds me of stuff ;) and even after only getting three and a half hours of sleep, we managed to walk around irvine spectrum for approximately 5 hours. and yes, i was dead afterwards. but it was worth it. cause friends like these, they're hard to come by.

too far away.

you know, when you think about it, it's kinda depressing having a friend all the way on the other side of the world and not being able to hang out with them. my cluster sister needs to come home. stop stealing her every summer, taiwan!!

that's rich.

others would see this as something that wasted three minutes of their life. but me? i find this comic something that wasted five minutes of mine because of the extra two minutes i spent laughing at it.

next wednesday.

SOMEONE TAKE MEEEEEE!!! :DD
(if i don't go with my sister. haha.)

video games.

this is the scene i left when my mom picked me up from vishal's house...


...and this is the scene i came home to when i walked in the door.

haha, all this video gaming is reminding me of my elementary school days. i kinda stopped playing after 7th grade. but let me tell you, i was one obsessive video game player. but i was never as good as my sister. haha. oh well. i'm feeling a rematch coming soon...

(oh, and just so you know. walking in and seeing my sister playing video games was a BIG surprise. i don't think she's touched those controllers in like...3 years. craaazy.)

btw, i still want a wii...

the little things.

and as she sat in her room diligently working on her summer homework, she realized something funny. although she had been doing the same thing yesterday hour after hour, it was the little things that got her through it. the simplest things in life can go sadly unnoticed, when they really shouldn’t be…

whether it be the text messages that made her smile, the myspace comment that made her laugh, the wish she made at 11:11 that made her really happy, the 50 minute phone call with a friend she sincerely missed, or merely an unexpected (but gladly taken) 30 second phone call from a friend in michigan wishing her a happy fourth of july, all of these things made her wonder if she took too many things for granted. the accumulation of these little things throughout the day made it a good day. a really good day despite the homework.

but it’s simply a good day for her if she knows she’s made someone else’s day. a simple text message she sent to a friend wishing them a happy fourth seemed to do just that. (‘Thanks Athena! I hope you had a great fourth too! You really made my day, thanks again.’) it’s things like that that make her glad knowing the things she does aren’t going to waste.

in a sense, the little things aren’t necessarily as little as we make them out to be. they can always turn out to be so much more and possibly the biggest thing of the day. because sometimes all it takes is a nice compliment to turn someone’s day around. a smile from a stranger to give someone hope. a 25 cent bracelet to make you laugh (in a genuine way, i promise christina.) or simply knowing someone looks forward to seeing you. so even though the hair tie we lend out and may never get back or the papers we pick up for someone after they’ve been blown out of their hands by the wind may not seem like it matters much, it does.

because, really, that’s all it takes.

transformers.

suuuch a good movie :) it kind of felt like it was dragging on at the end (it was a two and a half hour movie...), but that's okay. and there were soo many people there. our theater wasn't full, but the lines were soo long to get in. yayy for choosing to watch this over ratatouille! (but i still wanna watch it!! and oceans, and license to wed, and harry potter, and...well, yeah. there are a lot of good movies out!)

aw, i miss shia labeouf in even stevens. i liked that show. haha. too bad they stopped playing it on disney channel...

drops of jupiter.

"now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of jupiter in her hair, she acts like summer and walks like rain. reminds me that there's time to change. since the return from her stay on the moon she listens like spring and she talks like june. tell me, did you sail across the sun? did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded and that heaven is overrated? tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? one without a permanent scar. and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet? did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day and head back to the milky way? and tell me, did venus blow your mind? was it everything you wanted to find? and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken? your best friend always sticking up for you even when i know you're wrong. can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance, five-hour phone conversation? the best soy latte that you ever had...and me.

tell me, did you sail across the sun? did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded and that heaven is overrated? tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? one without a permanent scar. and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"

this song never gets old.

jordan alexander wininger.

aw, he's so adorable! as of today, jordan is officially 2 weeks old (since 1:44 pm). and he was born on father's day! haha. good father's day present, don't you think? and by far, i think he is the most well behaved newborn i have ever met. he hardly ever cried. and it was funny cause whenever he did start to cry, his mom would be like, "yes! cry harder!". just to make sure he wasn't gonna grow up mute or something. hahaha. everyday he was passed from person to person cause everyone wanted to hold him all the time. dennis said he should start charging $5 to everyone who wanted to carry him. haha. and when i held him, he was the softest thing ever. ah, i love babies! except i've realized that when i have mine, i'm scared i'm not gonna wake up in the middle of the night when the baby cries. cause i didn't wake up a single time when i spent the night there. and i was in the same room as him! haha. oh well. i guess it's a maternal thing...

did i mention how adorable he is?! he got the hiccups (or hickieboos as his dad liked to call them) like 12 million times a day. it's cute watching a baby hiccup :D and sneeze, too. that sounds a bit strange....but whatever.

alright, so here's the trippy thing about this whole deal. you know how i said jordan was my cousin? well, he's not. he's my mom's cousin. and apparently, that makes him my uncle. weird, right?!? yeah. i thought so, too. but i don't mind having a two week old uncle :) as long as i don't have to change my uncle's diapers...AWKWARD.


so his parents are odette and dennis wininger. odette is my mom's aunt, making her my great-aunt. and she's only 31. haha. this is what happens when my great-grandma has twelve kids. chaos! but fun chaos :) dennis is a marine and he was stationed in iraq for 11 months (collectively). the first time was for 7 months and the second time was for 4. pretty intense. and he went to boot camp with tom hanks' nephew. haha. and you can see the father/son resemblance already...


haha. so that's the newest (and first) baby wininger. and the newest member of the clan. hooray! :)