Monday, February 15, 2010

It is 11:47AM. I've already eaten 3 chocolate bars and had a tall white chocolate mocha frapp. I have four more classes to go. Grumble grumble grumble.

I hate this time of the month...

Sunday, February 14, 2010

my funky valentine.

today i was in a funk. it wasn't a big funk, just a little one. but a funk nonetheless. i sat in bed for hours not doing anything but wasting away time on the internet. i can't even tell you half the things i did mainly because i can't remember. seriously... mindless surfing. the funk lingered on and i could not shake it. i watched a movie. i took some tylenol. i ate a brownie. relentless. then midnight rolled around. you'd think this would make my funk somewhat funkier considering it's valentine's day and here i am sans valentine.

but my funk has left the building! thank you, world, for showing me i've got people to love who love me back. i was right; i don't have a valentine this year. i've got plenty.

Thursday, February 11, 2010


i woke up this morning to the sound of people talking outside my bedroom window.

"do you guys have a toy snake?"
"yeah, i think we do."
"cause i can't tell if this snake is real or not."
"....yeah, our toy snake definitely doesn't look like that."

needless to say, that is when i got out of bed. i peeked my head out of the window and saw three people standing there: my dad, my mom, and my neighbor. they were all staring at a spot on the ground underneath the barbecue grill, so i turned my head and directed my gaze similarly. lo and behold, there lay the snake that caught their attention. i stared at it for a while, wondering how on earth a snake could end up here. then, enter neighbor number two.

"what's everybody staring at?"
"there's a snake right there!"
"underneath the grill. how do we get rid of it?"
"wait that thing? oh, uh. that's travis' toy."

so it turns out the snake was really just a toy. but i just kept staring at it. for some reason, i really really wanted that snake to be real. maybe because i had already believed it was real in the first place. so i kept staring. i stared and i stared as if my eyes could somehow make it come alive. it actually did look very lifelike. but it's kind of like how your imagination plays tricks on you sometimes. like when you're out somewhere and you catch a glimpse of someone and you think it's someone you know. you just keep looking and the more you look the more it looks like them because its what you wanna see. but then they turn around and you realize it's not them and you just wasted fifteen seconds of your life. well the snake never did come alive so my morning was only exciting for a while.

but, man... if the world were filled with things from my imagination...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

everything is illuminated.

“so she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love — loving the loving of things whose existence she didn’t care at all about. love itself became the object of her love. she loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. it was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exist." - jonathan safran foer

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

happy people.

"happy people should have happy things happen to them."

i didn't go out at all today and i had nothing to do, so i spent the day watching grey's anatomy. this is pretty much what i do late at night or whenever i don't feel like getting out of bed. but watching episode after episode is an amazing feat, considering that every. single. episode. is extremely depressing. a mother losing her unborn child, a man who's fiancée left him because she couldn't stand seeing him weak with cancer, a daughter going into a routine surgery and coming out blind or paralyzed. very very depressing.

but what makes the situation even more unbearable is that the majority of the patients who get admitted into the hospital for life threatening illnesses (or those that succumb to those illnesses) never deserve to be there, to have to suffer, or to have to die. if you think about it, there is no one who really deserves that. but these people...they're normal people. they live normal lives. they're happy. then all of a sudden their world is turned upside down and they feel helpless. then they're not happy anymore.

happy people should have happy things happen to them. but i guess if any of us want to know what true happiness is, we must also know pain and suffering. only then can we understand the power of happiness.

i need to stop letting tv shows affect me so much.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

47m 29s.

right before you called, tears were in my eyes.
right before you called, i was about to go to bed sad, angry,and lonely.
right before you called, i hated everything.
right before you called, it seemed like the world had gone rotten.
right before you called, i wished someone would call.

right after you called, i caught myself smiling.
right after you called, going to bed content was easy.
right after you called, i no longer hated everything.
right after you called, i realized all i needed was the comforting sound of someone's voice.
right after you called, i was so glad you called.

thank you for calling.


Saturday, January 02, 2010

to be forgiving.

i found that there are different levels of forgiving someone. to forgive someone, according to the merriam-webster dictionary, is "to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult)." or "to grant relief of payment from (forgive a debt)." or "to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)."

or simply... "to grant forgiveness."

but granting this aforementioned forgiveness is so difficult for so many people. why? because someone may say that they have forgiven you or someone else when really, they haven't. and they have to live with pretending that everything is okay, all the while the anger and resentment is eating them up inside.

i admit, i know first hand how hard it is to forgive someone who has done you wrong. it's hard to understand that people can really be sorry for being purposefully mean, cold, and unfriendly. but it happens. people can be sorry.

i can't even count the number of people that have been kind enough to forgive me over the years. forgive me for things like being the person they landed on when they rolled their ankle or for something small like owing them a couple bucks.

so if other people are strong enough to be forgiving, i can surely try just as hard.

this is my new year's resolution: to be forgiving.