Tuesday, January 29, 2008

slouchy mcslouchster.

...that is what i am. a big ol' slouchy mcslouchster (woo, mini tongue-twister). every time i sit at the computer, or anywhere really, the gravitational force of the world seems to work against me. my back gives way inch by inch and eventually, i notice. and then i realize and i'm like, "what the heck am i doing way down here?!" so i straighten myself up and, let me tell you, i go up a long way. seriously, i think i am the worst (or best, whichever way you wanna look at it) sloucher there ever was. it hurts, too. if i try and force myself to sit up straight for a really long time, my back starts aching and just begs me to let it loose. i hope this doesn't turn into a hunchback of notre dame thing in my later years...

Saturday, January 26, 2008

happiness is...

1. writing. i mean, real writing. like when pen meets paper. that kind of writing.
2. finding new songs to put on repeat all day.
3. going to bed at 10:30 on a friday night.
4. "if i was a flower growing wild and free, i'll i'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee." :)
5. eating ice cream in the freezing cold.
6. playing with my new phone.
7. knowing a new season of making the band starts monday!
8. two words: warm ears.
9. hot cheetos during an apush final.
10. juno.


"kill people!"


"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But, it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear." -Stephen King

Thursday, January 24, 2008

on the pulse of morning.

A Rock, A River, A Tree
Hosts to species long since departed,
Marked the mastodon,
The dinosaur, who left dried tokens
Of their sojourn here
On our planet floor,
Any broad alarm of their hastening doom
Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.

But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly, forcefully,
Come, you may stand upon my
Back and face your distant destiny,
But seek no haven in my shadow.
I will give you no hiding place down here.

You, created only a little lower than
The angels, have crouched too long in
The bruising darkness
Have lain too long
Face down in ignorance.
Your mouths spilling words

Armed for slaughter.
The Rock cries out to us today, you may stand upon me,
But do not hide your face.

Across the wall of the world,
A River sings a beautiful song. It says,
Come, rest here by my side.

Each of you, a bordered country,
Delicate and strangely made proud,
Yet thrusting perpetually under siege.
Your armed struggles for profit
Have left collars of waste upon
My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.
Yet today I call you to my riverside,
If you will study war no more. Come,
Clad in peace, and I will sing the songs
The Creator gave to me when I and the
Tree and the rock were one.
Before cynicism was a bloody sear across your
Brow and when you yet knew you still
Knew nothing.
The River sang and sings on.

There is a true yearning to respond to
The singing River and the wise Rock.
So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew
The African, the Native American, the Sioux,
The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek
The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheik,
The Gay, the Straight, the Preacher,
The privileged, the homeless, the Teacher.
They hear. They all hear
The speaking of the Tree.

They hear the first and last of every Tree
Speak to humankind today. Come to me, here beside the River.
Plant yourself beside the River.

Each of you, descendant of some passed
On traveller, has been paid for.
You, who gave me my first name, you,
Pawnee, Apache, Seneca, you
Cherokee Nation, who rested with me, then
Forced on bloody feet,
Left me to the employment of
Other seekers -- desperate for gain,
Starving for gold.
You, the Turk, the Arab, the Swede, the German, the Eskimo, the Scot,
You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru, bought,
Sold, stolen, arriving on the nightmare
Praying for a dream.
Here, root yourselves beside me.
I am that Tree planted by the River,
Which will not be moved.
I, the Rock, I the River, I the Tree
I am yours -- your passages have been paid.
Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need
For this bright morning dawning for you.
History, despite its wrenching pain
Cannot be unlived, but if faced
With courage, need not be lived again.

Lift up your eyes upon
This day breaking for you.
Give birth again
To the dream.

Women, children, men,
Take it into the palms of your hands,
Mold it into the shape of your most
Private need. Sculpt it into
The image of your most public self.
Lift up your hearts
Each new hour holds new chances
For a new beginning.
Do not be wedded forever
To fear, yoked eternally
To brutishness.

The horizon leans forward,
Offering you space to place new steps of change.
Here, on the pulse of this fine day
You may have the courage
To look up and out and upon me, the
Rock, the River, the Tree, your country.
No less to Midas than the mendicant.
No less to you now than the mastodon then.

Here, on the pulse of this new day
You may have the grace to look up and out
And into your sister's eyes, and into
Your brother's face, your country
And say simply
Very simply
With hope --
Good morning.

- Maya Angelou.

(one of the best poems i have ever read in my entire life. it's worth reading over two or three times to understand it.)

Saturday, January 19, 2008


high school musical 2. baking. sugar cookies. rotten eggs. frosting. decorating mania. noggin. max & ruby. little bear. christmas pajamas. LUNGS OF STEEL. princesses. strawberry shortcake. chex mix. super cool 4-year-old room. nap! coughing. crying. crib. GORGEOUS EYES. super bebe!

i'd totally do this without getting paid! ahhhhhh! i love babies!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


lately, athena has been a very tired person. she does not like being a tired person. it is very inconvenient. she takes naps after school. those are nice. unfortunately, they go for longer than they're supposed to. alarm clocks no longer affect her. tragic, she knows. even in the mornings when she hears it, she turns it off and proceeds to fall asleep for, again, longer than she's supposed to. terrible cycle it is. her solution: no more tests! ever!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

post-it love.

boredom after school today resulted in purple post-its being plastered all over christine's car while she was in seventh :) i realized while i was writing all those notes that we have way too much fun together. haha. inside jokes are fun. basically, this post-it mania was a gift from me, kathleen, and tara to celebrate her being LEGAL TO DRIVE PEOPLE IN 2 DAYS! ahhh, party car! considering how much fun we have in a classroom, just imagine how much fun we'll have on the road. yeeeee.

life stuffs.

1/15 - melissa's 17th birthday!
1/19 - babysitting with kathleen!
1/21 - MLK day. no school!
1/22 - my 17th birthday!
1/24 - justin's 17th birthday!
1/31 - end of semester. minimum day. BROOMBALL!
2/1 - no school. lunch @ BJs with committee!
2/2 - mitchell's birthday!
2/12 - "taste of chocolate" @ oxford!
2/14 - valentine's day!
2/29 - sadies!

mmm, fun. too bad finals week is smack dab in the middle of all that. wooo!

midnight mind jumble.

good morning. i just had a nice 5 hour nap. too bad it was only supposed to be an hour. oh well. rest was much needed. you know, i think being sad about things is overrated. but if it's only every once in a while it's okay, right? today was one of those downhill days. it started going uphill once i had some mr. o in me, and surprisingly much better during fifth. people, i like. people make me happy. and apparently i'm not allowed to be sad. but okay. talking about formal today with people who didn't go made me miss it even more than i already did. hey, there's only 7 days until my birthday. dang, one week. how did that happen? i need plans. two three-day weekends coming up. again, i need plans. i think i know why shane gets his headaches. (your laptop screen is so freaking bright). my longboard is in the back of my mom's car...i need to take it out. i can't decide where to put that picture frame and it's really bugging me. decisions are hard. but i've decided i like the moon better than the sun. one reason being because i can actually look at the moon without burning my eyeballs out. la la la...it is now 12:39am. i told myself i'd go to sleep at 12:30. haha, nah. i just realized i didn't watch tv today. at all. i wonder how that happened. how fascinating. "don't sweat it, i know it wasn't your fault. take care." you have no idea how much better that made me feel. i learned something very interesting today: guys can be a lot more sympathetic than girls. at least more than you'd expect them to be. i need to make more copies of formal pictures. they went like hotcakes and i didn't even realize it. luckily i set some aside for me. i love us. it is now 12:50am. should i attempt to sleep? okay, i'll attempt. but don't be surprised if i'm back in 30 minutes with some more thoughts for you.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

just fine.

"let it go. can’t let this thing called love get away from you. feel free right now, go do what you want to do. can’t let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we. no time for moping around, are you kidding? and no time for negative vibes, cause i’m winning. it’s been a long week, i put in my hardest. gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right.

so i like what i see when i’m looking at me when i’m walking past the mirror. don't stress through the night, at a time in my life ain’t worried about if you feel it. got my head on straight, i got my vibe right. i ain't gonna let you kill it. you see i wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine. you see i wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just fine.

feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do. get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new. keep your head up high. in yourself, believe in you, believe in me. having a really good time, i’m not complaining. and i’m a still wear a smile if it's raining. i gotta enjoy myself regardless. i appreciate life, i’m so glad that it's mine..."

(i love these lyrics.)

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

this is why i fail math.

Auto Response from xUHTHEENUH (8:14:45 PM): i should do math, huh? be back in an hour-ish.

"Raghav Paliwal"
(8:14:46 PM):
nah, you should never do math
"Raghav Paliwal" (8:14:48 PM): don't be silly!

"Tara Millspaugh" (8:18:36 PM): No u shouldntttt

shane's was my favorite...
"Shane Rayos Del Sol" (9:11:52 PM): are you doing math?

Monday, January 07, 2008

i digress...

writing is fun when i know what i'm writing about. i love my english group. transcendentalists are deep. i need to learn how to be deep like them. "to be great is to be misunderstood." am i misunderstood? nah. we now have four mountain men at oxford. it's ridiculous. chaldu, hauge, wittman, and ramirez need a mirror. and a razor. right about now. thanks. i wonder how mr. o would look with a beard....hahahhaa. that's funny. he can "get down" with some "flavuh" without it anyway. wal-mart can die. yay target! that was the scariest source document i have ever seen in my life. ever. my heart seriously skipped a beat. how unhealthy. apparently i have a nice smile, but i suck at french. which is more important? i vote not french. power naps are very refreshing. i can sleep in very interesting positions. being groggy after a nap feels weird. i noticed girls can be very expensive. longboarding tomorrow! i need to clean my board. and now, off to not do homework. sweet. oh, one more thing: me. you. juno. now. done!

Sunday, January 06, 2008

simple, starving to be safe.

"lately i've been thinking so strangely about the clouds and how they seem to slowly fade away. maybe someday we will find a way to disappear; just me and you on silver lining dreams. oh, how could i survive without your love and the hope you bring. oh, even when the sky is falling down i know i have you, and thats all i need.

lately i've been hoping you could stay with me and i could hold you close to the end of time. maybe someday we will grab some change and run away, but for now i'll learn to say goodbye. oh, how could i survive without true love and the hope you bring. oh, even when the world is breaking down, i know i have you and thats all i need..."

Friday, January 04, 2008

perfect timing!

"Athena Anduiza" (11:10:35 PM): you should really try the whole optimist thing
"Jameson Bradley" (11:10:41 PM): eh
"Jameson Bradley" (11:10:45 PM): not my field of life
"Jameson Bradley" (11:10:48 PM): its yours
"Jameson Bradley" (11:11:05 PM): im the sarcastic comedical person to the left
"Athena Anduiza" (11:11:11 PM): i will teach you my ways

yeah, i'm easily fascinated. but, come on. that's pretty cool. :)

a list...

an aching heart. my love for someone. anger for indifference. how good sunshine feels. the calming feeling of rain. the sound of music. butterflies in my stomach. the feeling of a hug. anticipation of a fun day. the sense of self-satisfaction after a good run. tangled emotions. the taste of victory. my soul.

...of things i cannot photograph.


hahaha, it's like night and day!! cracks me up.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

rock, paper, scissors.

"i understand that scissors can beat paper, and i get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no freaking way paper can beat rock. paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? i'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. a rock would tear that sun-of-a-gun up in 2 seconds. when i play rock, paper, scissors, i always choose rock. then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper i can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, i'm sorry, i thought paper would protect you, you idiot." - dane cook (with some minor editing of words, of course. hahaha.)

Tuesday, January 01, 2008


"to laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
this is to have succeeded!"
- ralph waldo emerson.

diagnosis: love.

aww, that was seriously awesome. haha.

2008 firsts.

first hug: sister.
first kiss: daddy.
first "i love you" said to: grandma.
first song listened to: i'll be waiting - lenny kravitz.
first drink: water.
first food: bread.
first missed call: rona maglian. (12:16am)
first, uh, not-missed called: christina magalona. (12:28am)
first person called: rona maglian. (she didn't answer either!! haha.)
first voicemail: rona maglian. (okay, you need to stop taking over my list. haha.)
first received text message: james li.
first sent text message: jeffrey whitaker.
first time sleeping: 1:32am.
first time waking up: 9:00am.

365 days behind us and a brand new 365 ahead of us. so, here's to you. you, being the person that is still with me today as i venture into this brand new year, not knowing what lies before me. you, the person that i will make a thousand more memories with because it's just that easy for us. and you, being the person that doesn't count the days, but the moments. here's to a new year of firsts. make it amazing, folks.

hmm, what to do now...oh, wait. ha! i know. hellooo, longboard.