Sunday, December 31, 2006

in retrospect.

the year had just begun and she read over and over her new list of oh-so-possible resolutions. she knew she could make them happen. all she had to do was try. her willpower would truly be tested for the coming year. she was happy with a new year to start fresh although she was perfectly fine with her life at the time. the last four months of the past year had given her a taste of a new school with a considerable amount of new friends. a birthday passed and she had just turned fifteen. she recieved an iPod as a gift and from that day forward, she couldn't last a day without it. another year older, another year wiser.

school continued and was basically taking up her entire life. she regretted not having time for anything else, but was there really anything she could do? there probably was...but the month went on in that same state-of-life. she went to a valentine's dance on the tenth of this month and recalls it as the best dance she has ever been to. so far. valentine's day came and went and was nothing special to her as it happened every year. she joked with her friends about the fact that it was singles awareness day, but she always wished she didn't have to celebrate it that way. the only thing she had ever liked about valentine's day was the fact that her daddy gave her chocolates and told her he loved her. it was nearing the end of the month and she remembers a certain day that she hates remembering at all. it was the twenty-seventh and it was raining. they were hanging out in sizer for a while, then the baseball team kicked them out cause they needed somewhere to meet. so they walked out into the rain and she figured she should just ask. but he wouldn't even listen to her. he was ignoring her, so she just gave up and walked the other way. then he came back out. he talked to her and she felt better. the next day he wrote her a note. she still has the note...

friendships grew stronger and she was realizing what the meaning of friendship truly was. the month started off perfectly. cause everything was normal. everything seemed balanced. and she liked it. it was only the second day of the month and she finally got jeff to get aim. oh, how naive she was. it was the first night he had aim and yet their conversation turned into the longest one she had ever had with anyone. they stayed up until 4:30 in the morning talking (with some homework mixed in there). and little did she know, that wouldn't be the last time that happened. she watched the international assembly and was excited to see her most favorite filipinos do binasuan. she was quite proud of them. oh, and she believes this was the month she accompanied someone on their first rampage.

there's not much she can remember about this month except for spring break. she desperately needed it and it turned out just the way she wanted. she hadn't seen her anjelica in the longest time and missed her to death. but she finally got to hang out with her and rona at huntington beach. they took an incredible amount of pictures and talked like they hadn't even been apart at all. they ate at bj's and then when the day was over, promised each other they'd hang out like this again soon. she knew anjelica was always good with her promises.

she was quite satisfied with the goings-on in her life and had no idea how much would be going on in this month alone. the first thing that comes to her mind when she looks back on it, was the day mimi fell down on her and twisted her ankle. she had never broken anyone before and she felt terrible...she became a slave for a while. besides all of that, she was very content with her life. mother's day came and she made one of the best cards ever. she was very proud of herself. then the last class activity of the year came up and she had herself an amazing time. first of all, she got to watch two johnny depp movies. that alone would leave her giddy (and it did). all through pirates of the caribbean, her strange friend d-ho made quite interesting noises that cracked her up immensely, her short-friend-shane-who-will-never-be-taller-than-her was getting a workout for the weirdest reason, and her confused friend jeff questioned the plural of twix...the next day she got an invitation to the awards ceremony for school and puzzled herself until her puzzler was sore as to whom would give her an award. she wouldn't figure out who until the ceremony came. and it was the last person she would have guessed...but she was very pleased.

she experienced her last choir show until senior year in june. it was goodbye choir, hello euro. she had fun with choir and was a bit sad she wasn't doing it anymore for a couple years, but not all that sad. one birthday came after the other during the month. first rona's, then victoria's, then katherine's. it was nice. then one day, she went to the knott avenue christian church to watch the orangeview choir show, but she had no idea it would turn out to be a spanish show. she endured the show with her friends and had a surprisingly good time. and when the night ended, she got to take a picture with the guitarist. his name was andy. she finally got her yearbook and was very happy. it was the most beautiful yearbook she had ever laid eyes on. it was like holding a piece of art in her hands. and that piece of art contained the writings of close friends sharing their favorite memories of the year with her and how they hoped she would have a good summer. she was glad she had made enough memories with everyone so that they could all write a page for her. although some did manage to write more. the last day of school arrived and she was deeply saddened. a whole two months she would go without seeing many of her friends. but that wouldn't stop her from hanging out with some of them as soon as two days after school got out.

her first month of summer break after her first year at oxford felt good. not having work to do every single night pleased her very much. and yet she was already wishing school would come because she missed all of her friends. she was never good at making decisions. she surprised herself immensely when she finished her first summer assignment book this month. earlier she had thought she wouldn't even start one of them until august. it was a very good surprise. then she started tennis. it made her very happy. but on her first day of camp, she was running after the ball and she slipped and fell. it hurt a lot. and she still has the scar on her elbow. but despite that, she continued to play for weeks and enjoyed it very much. once tennis was over, she got a trophy for first place. she was quite the happy camper.

it was getting closer and closer to school and she was stressing out about all the homework she wasn't doing. but the first week of august was filled with birthdays to sidetrack her mind. anjelica, gaby, and jeff, all turning fifteen. she has yet to give jeffrey his present and she feels extremely terrible for prolonging it. but she has had absolutely no time to work on it. and not until decemeber would she literally be held incapable of working on it considering a horrible turn of events that left her, well, without the proper resources to finish it. she promises it will come sooner or later...

and then september came around and she was glad she'd get to see all of her friends soon. she was given the opportunity to see many of them before school even started because of a certain bonfire. it was very fun, and she got to eat marshmallows, so of course she was happy. the next day, she watched andre agassi play in the U.S. open, but she had no idea it would be the last match of his career. after watching him basically her entire life, she was saddened greatly when he walked off the court after losing to benjamin becker. school started and it was time to get rid of her summer-wasted brain. she was happy to see everyone again, but had no idea what her sophomore year would bring her through in only a matter of months. her dad's birthday came and it was a sad and happy day all mixed into one. it was only sad because it was september eleventh, and everyone mourned the loss of lives that horrible day 5 years ago. but despite that, she had a good day with her family.

she had her ups and downs this month, but it was the ups that towered over everything. she remembers a certain message t-shirt day, where she got to wear her wonderful free hugs shirt (and she thanks victoria a million times over). she had no idea what the power of a hug could do for a person. she thought it a good feeling. that same day, she and the rest of class committee put together the best class activity there ever was. she'll most likely never forget that night because it was just that amazing. and for some reason she remembers a quite embarrasing moment that occurred during this month. she was walking with jeff and albert and begins walking around a pillar, but runs straight into it instead. she clearly saw it in front of her and yet her sense of direction completely failed her. for some reason, it didn't surprise her.

november was the worst month of the year for her...until the end. it started off terribly and she just wanted to give up. the worst day she has endured (at least the worst one she can remember) occured during this month. she cried three times and she still didn't feel like that was enough. it just kept getting worse as the day went on and all she wanted to do was go home. this was also when she realized she wasn't doing so great with her grades. it hadn't hit her until then and she wonders why it took her so long to fix everything. thanksgiving came and she forgot all her worries. family kind of has that effect on her. she thought about all she was thankful for and realized she's got it pretty good. from here on out, she stopped a lot of her worrying. and then her sister's birthday came. a lot of food was eaten, which made the day that much better. then later that night, she went to her first concert. it was better than she had ever dreamed it would be. that was definitely a night to remember. oh, and she almost forgot. this was also the day she quit myspace and aim...

out of all the months in the year, the last one to come was probably her favorite. her grades were getting much better and she was getting closer and closer to her best friend. life was amazing for her. and for once, she wasn't so caught up in her own problems that didn't allow her to help her friends with theirs. she was able to talk with her friends about their troubles. and for the first time in a while, she felt as if she was finally giving back to everyone who ever took the time out of their lives to help her with whatever she needed help with. she had more time to think about life now that she always slept at 9:30 every night. and now when she pondered about life, it was different. she no longer thought about it in a way that forced her to think about how to do things differently soon afterwards, but now when she thought about it, nothing was forced on her except a satisfied grin on her face. on the twentieth of the month, she finally got her braces. she wasn't too happy about having metal in her mouth, but it had been delayed long enough. the first few days she talked funny and people thought she was cuter...she got used to it after a while. the Christmas she had that year was one of the best she had ever experienced. and now a new year is coming for her. another twelve months to prove herself. prove that she can do all that she aspires to. that willpower of hers will once again be tested.

and with all that said and done, all she wants is to make this year better than the last...

Saturday, December 30, 2006

one-way street.

"when you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find, you're caught in a one-way street with the monsters in your head, when hopes and dreams are far away and you feel like you can't face the day, let me be the one you call. if you jump i'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away into the night. if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart. if you need to crash, then crash and burn. you're not alone."

sometimes, it's like she's stuck on a one-way street. turning back won't do her any good and moving forward guarantees her nothing but a path to the unknown. she worries herself night and day about every little decision she makes and yet she still progresses. why doesn't she just make a path of her own? she admits she was never a born leader. despite the fact that people have told her time and time again that she could pull it off if she just tried. they say she could make it. and make it BIG. but the doubt that fogs her mind erases all those words of encouragement. she needs someone to show her how. how to be an inspiration to someone else. how to control herself. how to make this world a better place. but first and foremost, how to figure out what to do with her life.

this is a first. she's never admitted it until now, but she's afraid of her life after highschool. where is she going? this one-way street isn't giving her many options. at the moment, she doesn't feel as if her mind is opening up to opportunities, and she's afraid it will never learn to. if she doesn't straighten up now, when will she? does she realize she'll be left behind? she's terrified that all her friends will be moving forward while she's stuck in the same place; on a one-way street to a place she doesn't want to be. she wishes she could make a U-turn somewhere and start all over, but she sees nowhere to turn. so, where does she turn? who does she turn to? and how will she make this aforesaid turn? and if it so happens that she figures out how to turn this life of hers around, will she not get dizzy and forget once more what she wants? will going back even do her any good? sometimes, as she walks on this one-way street, she waits and waits until she reaches a dead end sign. for some reason, it's as if she knows it'll appear sooner or later. it has yet to appear, so she hopes she can figure out what to do. what to do with whatever it is she needs to fix. and she always thinks something in her life needs fixing. maybe all she needs is someone to walk with.

Friday, December 29, 2006


do you ever look at a picture and see a stranger in the background? it makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you; how many moments of other people's lives we've been in. were we a part of a stranger's life when their dream came true? or were we there when their dreams died? did we keep trying to get in as if we were destined to be there? or did the shot take us by surprise and not even know it?

we wonder why black and white photos capture our soul and take our breath away. i think it's because without color, we aren't drawn to the makeup, or the color of our eyes or our hair, or even the color of our skin. black and white photos capture the innocence on one's face. we see the glow from the inside that brightens the eyes, the skin, and the smile. it grabs the truth that liberates us. sometimes color is too confusing.

(...a picture is worth a thousand words, my friend.)

la la la...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

volume 1.

Breaking News for the Bored:
when using the T9 feature while text messaging, a strange and unusual phenomenon has been occurring spotlighting similarities of certain words, meaning the letters that correspond with the numbers used to write a word could be decoded or scrambled to reveal other words that bare an uncanny resemblance to the original text. of course einstein’s theory of relativity proves that everything is related, i find it amusing to do my own research to back him up, in case you had your doubts.

each number on a phone represents three letters that can be used to type. the number 9 has four. when i type in the numbers 5683, it spells “love.” but that’s not all it spells. i could also have spelled the word “loud.” love can sometimes be loud, right? to love is to project in some way, similar to that of being loud. coincidence? it also spells “Jove.” Jove is the greek equivalent to Zeus. that’s right, almighty Zeus. in roman mythology, Jove would be called Jupiter. king of the gods, and now refers to the largest planet in our solar system. is love not loud and often times the largest thing in our local system?

more righteousness coming up as soon as I think of it.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

tip of the day.

if you see someone without a smile, give them yours :)

a note.

"I've been through so much with you, more than any other guy, and I still want you as much as I did the first time I laid eyes on you. Every time I see you, it's like meeting you for the first time all over again. It's the butterflies in the stomach, the not knowing what to say, but out of all the things you've taught me, there's still one thing I don't know. I don't know how to fall out of love with you. I don't know how to let go and as I stand here looking at you, I wonder if there will ever be a day when I will get over your smile, when I will let go of the hugs you gave me that I continue to feel. A day when I forget the words you said to me, forget what you meant to me or forget how much I love you. But, no matter what you did to me or whatever happens to us, I know I could never get over, let go, or forget you. When you care about someone as much as I do you, being apart is the hardest thing to get used to. I thought I'd handle it just fine and that I'd be happy just to keep you on my mind. But it isn't always that easy. Sometimes the one thing that would please me the most is simply seeing you. I knew that I'd miss you, I just didn't know I'd miss you as much as I do. I want to share my tears with you. I want to share my love with you. I want to share my happiness with you. I want to share my strength with you, my smiles, my frowns, my joy, my loss, my good days, my bad days, the rain, the sunshine, hot cocoa, and the snowflakes. I want to share my life with you. At one point or another, one close friend will fall for the other, maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe, just maybe, forever, and that's what happened with me and you."

too bad i can't remember where this is from...

The Waiting Place.

...for people just waiting.

waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or a No or waiting for their hair to grow. everyone is just waiting. waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. everyone is just waiting.

and everyone always says it's best never to wait around for things. you shouldn't miss out on what's happening right now just cause you're waiting for something better to come along. you could wait for something your entire life and suddenly realize everything you've been waiting for is standing right in front of you. imagine all the time you wasted waiting for something that was already there, staring you straight in the eyes. and then they always tell you life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain. but what if you knew for sure that waiting is really what you want to do? would you really be missing out on anything? because if you knew for a fact that all the waiting would be worth it in the end, wouldn't you wait? if it's something you've got to do, then you've got to do it. holding on is all you can do and hopefully no one will let you go. cause there's no sign of that happening on my part anytime soon.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


because i don't know how to tell you. because i'm comfortable with you. because i need to work on my willpower. because you make me nervous. because i hate confrontation. because i wish i could fly. because sometimes the grass isn't always greener on the other side. because maybe i love you. because i can't live without you. because i remember the little things. because you're the only one that understands me. because i trust you. because you share your world with me. because you never ignore me. because you make me happy. because you support me. because you feed me. because you make me laugh. because there are things i regret. because i get jealous when you're with other people. because i'm not always honest. because you've changed me. because crying can be just as comforting as laughing. because there are things in this world that are better left unsaid. because i'm afraid. because hugs are the best kind of medicine. because i don't always wear my heart on my sleeve. because i need reassurance for everything. because i get confused very easily. because i need to raise my grades. because i could live off of that smile. because you can never go wrong by being nice. because i like suprises. because you amaze me. because i don't know how to explain.

sometimes the things he says makes me think...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

a year from now.

and where will we be a year from now? a year older and 365 days wiser. we're hoping for the latter, but nothing is ever guaranteed. will i still be at oxford? will i have made new friends? created an enemy? or simply just realized the true meaning of friends and enemies? will i be taller? will i have a new favorite color? will i have found a new passion for myself? will i be broke? will i be happy? will all of my wishes made on 11:11 have finally come true? will i fall in love? will my hair be longer? or even shorter than it is now? will i have braces? will the promises i have kept be fulfilled? will i know how to drive? will i have found my soulmate? ...and will i like myself a year from now?

three-hundred sixty-five days. that's a pretty long time. a long time to change. make ourselves better. improve ourselves. there's always the other way we could change, too. we could all take a turn for the worst. and i really wonder how i'll be a year from now. i'm not the type of person that changes much from year to year, but i change nonetheless. somehow, i'm different. a year ago, i had just gotten to know new people at a new school. i never would have guessed how each of those people would affect my life and who i am right now. changes can be very unpredictable. and even now, i still don't know how i've changed. maybe for the better, but i'm not even sure of that. i just hope that 525,600 minutes from now i'll be a better person. that's all i can ask for. for now.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


remember the shadow game we used to play at recess? or shadow tag? whatever you want to call it. basically, when it's that time of day when your shadow is able to be seen, you run around trying to tag each others' shadows by stepping on it, yes? but whenever it rained or it was an overcast, cloudy kind of day, you couldn't go out and play cause your shadow wasn't there. absolutely no fun.

in our lives, we have those people that are only there next us, supporting us, during the good moments. they're there to help you have fun and create more fun for you. they make your sunny days sunnier and the songs you sing a little sweeter. but then when the rain comes, the tears fall, and all you can hear is the sound of thunder ringing in your ears, they disappear. the clouds cover your light, and with that light they're gone. you look next to you and all you see is a puddle from the rain with your reflection staring back at you. you; the only person left. not even an umbrella to keep you from catching a cold. i guess we all need someone who will hold up that umbrella for us in the rain to keep us from drowning. and even in the sun, cause too much sun can burn you pretty don't be my shadow please and leave me when i need you. be my umbrella-holder. and i'll help you hold it too. besides, those umbrella hats you wear on your head are quite ridiculous. i'd rather not have to resort to that.


alarm. wake up. snooze. alarm. off. wake up. shower. dress. blow dry. eat. brush teeth. shoes. backpack. car. drive. kiss. school. locker. hot chocolate. locker rooms. change. run. change. parlez francais. storytime. get confused. the past. business. lunch. friends. socialize. sarcasm. chemistry. stairs. locker. hug. call. home. iPod. homework. family. dinner. phone. homework. computer. blog. sleep. dream. repeat.

missing one of these things can really throw a girl off... and boy, did it throw me off.

Monday, December 11, 2006


and now that i am actually capable of staying awake for the entire school day everyday, i actually get to process what the teachers are saying. crazy, i know. but a couple of days ago, mr. ontiveros was giving his usual beginning-of-class story and he asked us something that made me think. “do you think you have the choice whether your day his good or bad?” he asked. i sat there, and for some reason, i was a bit shocked. and as i sit here now i still don’t understand why i hesitated to answer to myself. i mean, of course i get to decide whether my day is good or bad. so, i pulled out my agenda and wrote down his question in the margins. i figured it’d mean something later. i got home, started working on my homework and finished earlier than i planned. and when i pulled out my agenda to cross off all the homework i had done, i saw the question again. “do you think you have the choice whether your day is good or bad?” yes. the answer is still yes. i think earlier this year i may have given the typical 'i don't know' to this question, cause i don’t think i would’ve answered 'yes' right away. but, now i know that for a fact, at least for me, i can decide whether my day is good or bad. cause if something does go wrong during the day, it’s up to me whether or not i even try to make things better or just wallow in my own self-pity. i’ve had my share of bad days this year and i can’t say i will ever be rid of them, but the bad days that i’ve had were bad because i didn’t try to make them, well, good. maybe this isn’t the best subject to base my mental growth on, but i think in some way or another i have grown this year. yes, i know. it’s only been, what, barely 4 months since school started? well, despite the short amount of time i’ve spent back in school (although it seems like forever), i think i’m already beginning to see changes in me. the decisions I make for myself are becoming much more reasonable and i’m attempting things i didn’t have the strength to do 4 months ago. i mean, i quit aim. yeah, enough said.

oh, wise one.

from cookie #1:

...and then from cookie #2:

i think these cookies are trying to tell me something..

Sunday, December 10, 2006


i see now that all of us are going through the same thing, but few of us are open about it; whatever it may be. we bottle it up inside until we can't take anymore. well, obviously that's not good for anyone. but i'm learning that life is so much easier if you just say what you mean and mean what you say, because half truths are no better than lies. we cant expect people to read our minds. even though it'd be so much cooler if we could. but, wait. would it really? people would be getting into your thoughts without you even knowing it. they'd know your every move before you took a single step. creepy, no? someone knowing you inside and out. besides, that's what best friends are for. i've been taught that to have something halfway is harder than not having it at all. cause not having something at all gives us room to get something else instead. but having something halfway, well that's no fun. torture, really. cause you're working so hard just to get that other half and there's no guarantee you'll ever make it full. see, halves are no good. i mean, you could be someone's other half; their better half. if you leave them, they won't be whole. and half a person is completely and utterly unacceptable.


All the Whos down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot,
but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not.
The Grinch hated Christmas — the whole Christmas season.
Oh, please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
Or maybe his head wasn't screwed on just right.
But I think that the best reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Then he got an idea. An awful idea.
The Grinch had a wonderful, awful idea.
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages boxes, or bags!
And he puzzled and puzzled, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more."
And then the true meaning of Christmas came through,
And the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches… plus two.
He brought everything back, all the food for the feast.
And he, he himself, the Grinch, carved the roast beast.
Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer.
Cheer to all Whos far and near.
Christmas Day is in our grasp
so long as we have hands to clasp.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


it's hard for her to imagine a life without kimly. kimly has always been there for her through thick and thin. no matter what. sure, she's taken some of those cold-hard glares from kimly every once in a while, but she's gotten used to it now and thinks of it as more of a "hi, athena. and how are you today?" :) she's enjoyed every minute, every second, she has spent with kimly because all of those memories are truly unforgetable. and that's truly saying something, considering she has about the worst memory ever. yupp, kimly's just that special to her that she couldn't possibly forget anything about her. she trusts kimly more than a lot of people in this world. and let me tell you, there are quite a few people on this planet. man, is that saying something. the rampages and adventures she has taken with kimly has helped her relieve her stress. and she thanks kimly for that. she shares so many things in common with kimly and loves knowing that someone will always help her justify her madness. she considers kimly a one-of-a-kind kind of person. no one can compare to kimly cause kimly's, well, unique, let's say. in the greatest way possible. kimly is one of those people that she can laugh with until she cries and take stupid pictures with and not care what other people think. but what she loves most about kimly is what she's taught her about friendship. one of the most amazing kinds of friends she could ever have is the kind of friend that could sit on the couch with her never saying a word, and then walking away feeling that was the best kind of conversation she's ever had. kimly does that for her. she doesn't think she's ever really told kimly how much she appreciates her and how incomplete her life would be without her. but it's true. she loves kimly like a sister. and if she should ever lose kimly, her world would come crumbling down. now that's saying something. happy birthday, kimly phamvan ♥


if ever you feel as if your alone in this world, remember that you never are. there will always be someone out there that loves you unconditionally. someone who knows for a fact they can't go a single day without hearing your voice. someone that needs your smile to know things will be alright. someone that doesn't care that you can't do everything they can because they accept you for who you are; and wouldn't want you any other way. someone that thinks about you right before they go to bed so they can have a good night's sleep. someone that just wants to hold your hand. someone that will give up everything just to see you for one more day. someone that will pick you up after you've fallen and scraped both of your knees. someone that can't bear the thought of a future without you. someone that thinks of you when they see something beautiful. someone that runs on the sound of your laughter to get through the day. someone that remembers to keep all their promises to you. someone that thinks of you as more than your average teenager. someone who will need to reach out to you when the world just isn't their friend that day. someone that would rather get hit by lightning than see the hurt in your eyes right before you burst into tears. someone that truly believes in you. someone that could care less about what you wear. someone that just wants to look into your eyes and tell you how they feel. someone that has watched you grow up and wants the best for you because they know what you deserve. someone that believes no one could possibly deserve you. someone that wishes for you at 11:11. someone that can describe you to a person as if they'd known you their entire life. someone that accepts your predictability and embraces it because it's the only thing in their life that's constant. someone that loves your random moments that essentially turn into the highlight of their day. someone that can't remember anything before the sound of your name. someone that wants you to sing to them one last time. someone that has cried for you because they couldn't be any prouder. someone that has cried for you because they thought they were losing you. someone that looks at you and wonders why you're so amazing. someone that is jealous of you because they think you have the perfect life. someone that knows you well enough to know your life is nowhere near perfect and why. someone that just wants to drive in a car with you all night long listening to mixtapes. someone that will stand with you in the rain. someone that will call you to ask if you're okay after seeing you had a bad day. someone that will tell you they love you and mean it with all their heart. someone that is afraid to tell you they love you because they love you that much. someone that shares your interests no matter how strange they may seem. someone that would teach you how to ride a bike if something should happen that made you forget. someone that will read you a bedtime story because you can't fall asleep. someone that marvels at your intelligence. someone that appreciates your generosity. someone that needs you like the air they breathe. someone that thinks of you as their everything.

now, put a name to each of those someones and look at what you've got.

Thursday, December 07, 2006


this past week that has gone by so furiously has left me in a curious mood, and one that i have not been familiar with for quite some time. for a while now, i have constantly been weighed down with unfathomable amounts of work to be done at home, which have led me to stay awake, alone, into the wee hours of the morning with as much to be done as your imagination can reach. i felt as if my body were going to collapse like a building hit by a surprising quake; one with the strangest of aftershocks. it was like a neverending cycle of tiring days at school, endless hours of homework, then as many hours of sleep as i could count on one hand alone. but, as of late, there has been a sudden change of pace, and i have become altogether attached to its liking. the usual bedtime of one in the morning has been thrown out the window in a manner of sheer abruptness and replaced with a more suitable hour of nine-thirty in the evening. although the fact that i am not a morning person will most undoubtably never change, i am much more invigorated in the mornings than ever before; therefore, my mood for the day is amazingly lighthearted which affects all events i should happen to partake in. i have grown quite fond this last week of this life of mine without instant messager and myspace, and in general all the time-consuming distractions that have miserably increased my forsaken homework pile, but this route i have taken will obviously benefit me in the long run. i thank you for the support you have given me in my endeavors and beg of you to understand that i shall accompany you through all of yours, no matter how absurd or however difficult they may seem. we shall be pillars for each other; meaning at times i may need to lean on you, but during others i will be there to hold you up. i wish you well, my friend, and hope to see you soon.


if i had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. and contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. and what it wouldn't be, it would. you see?

and then sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. at times you can absolutely love a person, all the while wondering why you're even in the same room as them. life comes without guarantees. except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and possibly that falling in love will change your life. so, i'm guessing changing the world into something of my own wouldn't exactly work out. cause underneath it all, it's all about point of view. one man's trash is another man's treasure, remember? and living in a world where i'm alone in my happiness is nowhere near what i want. nor anywhere in the range of sanity. but if everything were what it wouldn't be in a world where things aren't what they are, then who would i be? without you? what a mess that would be.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


"Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's just a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, 'He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man', or 'That's not a diamond, it's just a rock.' Just." - J.M. Barrie

limits. that's what that word brings; limits, boundaries, a breaking point. i can't possibly understand, i'm just a kid. personally, i'm not too keen on that word. understandable, no? when i hear the word 'just' i feel as if it's trapping me. i feel as if i can do so much more. i feel as if it's not doing its subject justice. giving it the kind of fairness it deserves. actually, now that i think about it, it's pretty darn patronizing. maybe i'm looking at it the wrong way, but that word is just...inadequate. and yet, i find myself using that word again and again. i don't hate you, i just dislike you. like that's any better, guys.

different words.

as of the last few weeks, it's been difficult for me to decipher the things i used to be so connected with. i knew everything about this (and that), and's like i'm learning everything all over again. and i must say, i'm not too fond of it. watching it happen right in front of me...and then in my mind over and over again. i've seen it all before, but in a different way. to a different person. with a different meaning. in a different place; wait, no. same place. sometimes, i just don't get it. should i question myself? whatever the answer, it still won't get me anywhere. so, better question: should i question you? and they say there's no such thing as a stupid question. i beg to differ. let's redefine better, my friends. and if i could have just one thing, well, i think it'd be nice to have a sense of self-satisfaction.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


yes, the happiness of the concert has yet to wear off after two full days. it was definitely a night to remember. i mean, come on. dave melillo, cute is what we aim for, AND hellogoodbye all in one concert. how freaking amazing is that?! too amazing, i tell you. priya and i couldn't get over how close we were to them. it was incredible. reggie and the full effect i'm not too fond of, but hellogoodbye coming on after them couldn't have made up for it any better. waiting for what seemed like ages while the bands transitioned was totally worth it. i don't even know how to describe the night. it was sooo... asdfghjkl;!!! eeeeeee :) hellogoodbye closed with here in your arms (duh..), but when they got off stage, the entire crowd starting cheering for one more song. they cheered and cheered, but it finally died down. theeeen, he comes back out!!! and he not only does one more song, but TWO!! ahhhhh. oh, it is love and touchdown turnaround. i was sooo happy. you don't even know. we got lucky, cause it was the last show of the tour. so it was the crazy one... where anything goes. and, oh, did it go. i.. just... :D *sigh* Forrest Kline, you melted my heart that night :)

and, of course, the band shirts. impossible to resist. muahahha.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


happy birthday, alyssa :)
iii love you more than your bithday cake and john mayer.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes, after that, you'd better know something. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important, it's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I've learned that my friends and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I've learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish; few things are more humiliating. And what a tragedy it would be if she believed it. I've learned that your family will always be there for you. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life. I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can erase emotional burdens. I've learned that the word "love" can never be overused. i've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Friday, November 24, 2006

the game of life.

you want to know what living life to it's fullest actually is? it's waking up monday morning with no complaints. it's knowing you always deserve to laugh. it's doing what feels right, no matter what. it's doing what you want no matter how stupid you look. but what it's mostly about is this: it's about being youself - because no one can tell you you're doing it wrong.

for some reason, i don't feel as if i've been living life to the fullest. i feel like i've been missing things, missing opportunities. have i been trying my hardest at everything i do? no. but have i been happy? yes. is there something wrong with that? i mean, as long as i'm happy everything will be alright, right? i sure hope so. life is good. oh, but, it could be better. dang school and the sudden sense of apathy it brings. but i shall be victorious, life. you'll see. i'm good at games.

it's coming.

yay. they're starting to play Christmas songs on the radio.
and so the countdown begins :)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

much obliged.

thank you, first and foremost, for being there for me. night and day. rain or shine. always. thank you for the hugs. that contagious laughter. the smiles from across the room. the high fives. the 'hi' as we walk past each other in the hallway. the food. the support. the skittles. the random compliments. your sheer randomness. the 'thank you's. the cuteness. the weird nicknames. the aimless wandering. the corny jokes. the late night talks. liking my voice on my answering machine. for caring. the water. the homework help. liking me for me. for understanding me. for not judging me. the necklace. the thousands of pictures. the sharing. the generosity. singing to me online. keeping this going. watching over me. showering me with your affection. letting me rant. running with me. skipping with me. walking with me. running in circles with me. keeping me warm. the inside jokes. spoiling me. loving me. for just listening to me. for the music. making me feel special. acting like the big brother i never had. letting me win. telling me i'll always be number one. staying up with me. guiding me. saying my hair smells nice. the unconditional love. the e-mails. the surprises. your dedication. for the ability to make me happy under any circumstance. for being on my side. reminding me to wish. asking me how i am. showing me i am capable of anything. giving me someone to make happy. pushing me (figuratively and literally). letting me cry. sitting with me. giving me someone to look up to. giving me hope. watching tv with me. the encouragement. sharing my obsessions. the movie marathons. for calling me your favorite. for calling me. being my better half. accepting my apologies. thanking me. noticing me. and last, but not least, thank you for your consideration.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

soothe my soul.

"If I ever die of a heart attack, I hope it will be from playing my stereo too loud."

music: one of the few things i know i can always depend on to save me from my misery. literally. i come home knowing i have hours of homework ahead of me, but do i fret? do i worry? do i have an uncontrollable panic attack? well, maybe for those five minutes as i sit on my bed thinking of the long night ahead of me. but once those five minutes have elapsed and everything has finally sunk in, i grab my backpack, grab my ipod, and suddenly everything seems a little bit better. holding that tiny little music player in my hand just does something to me. i don't know what it does exactly, or how, but for some reason i feel like i can get through the night. no worries, no panic attacks. just slowly getting through those miles of homework one song after another. and as the night goes by, earphones still glued to my ears, i wonder how it could possibly be that these words that are seeping into my head through my ipod can express exactly how i am feeling at the moment. there are few people in this world that know me well enough to do that. so basically, without music, my happiness wouldn't be able to reach it's ultimate high.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Monday, November 20, 2006


november 19, 2006
JAMESON (8:42:33 PM): so i just have to say this
JAMESON (8:42:37 PM): ehem
JAMESON (8:42:48 PM): you are a very great person athena,
JAMESON (8:42:53 PM): you have let me down this weekend
JAMESON (8:43:04 PM): and i am dissapointed 3x
JAMESON (8:43:21 PM): but i know that you will do something spectacualr for me by tuesday
JAMESON (8:43:33 PM): cause p.s. im not gonna be here wednesday or next monday
JAMESON (8:43:58 PM): so i know that i will recieve something that will top any other gift that i will receive in the history of gift giving
JAMESON (8:44:09 PM): is this true?
ATHENA (8:44:19 PM): it is so true it's not even funny.
JAMESON (9:25:15 PM ): im expecting something amazing, litterally amazing

november 20, 2006
JAMESON (8:34:37 PM): athena, that is probebly one fo the greatest suggestions that you have ever come up with
JAMESON (8:43:17 PM): wow athena, that relly just makes me wanna cry its so freakin good
ATHENA (8:43:27 PM): hahaha
JAMESON (8:43:29 PM): really*
ATHENA (8:43:30 PM): chyeahhh
JAMESON (8:43:38 PM): your a freakin genius
JAMESON (8:43:48 PM): you know what
ATHENA (8:43:51 PM): what?
JAMESON (8:43:53 PM): taht was your gift
JAMESON (8:44:00 PM): you dont have to do anything else
ATHENA (8:44:07 PM): i'm forgiven?!?
JAMESON (8:44:17 PM): you ahve raised the bar of something called a "very close friend" and set the standard
JAMESON (8:47:31 PM): your the best
JAMESON (8:47:35 PM): i cant thank you enough

yeah, i can redeem myself within 24 hours. it's a gift. :)

Saturday, November 11, 2006

can i go back, please?

If ever there is tomorrow
And we’re not together..
There is something you must
Always remember:
You are braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is,
Even if we’re apart..
I’ll always be with you.
-Winnie the pooh

oh, how i wish to be six again, when advice was easier to give and take. when drama was when someone got more sprinkles on their ice cream than i did. and when the only thing we'd have to worry about was getting cooties. i miss playing outside with my neighbors until the porch lights came on. now, i sit inside at night doing homework and i'm the one who actually turns on the porch light. who would have ever imagined i'd be that person? at six i may have imagined the boogey monster under my bed and some other monster in my closet or running around the house, but i always had my dad to scare them away. but now i'm older; i have to face my problems myself. but i can't just scare them away this time. i actually have to get rid of them. otherwise, they'll just come back to haunt me. growing up isn't all that bad though. i mean, more freedom, right? right. but, of course, then comes more responsibility. there's always a catch. i wish i was six again so that coloring in the lines would be my top priority once more. no more stress. less worries. more fun. but at fifteen, i can do this. i was wrong when i said i had to face my problems alone, cause i don't. hello, athena. remember those people that have always been there for you no matter what? those people you don't have to try to impress? the ones you look to for support, understanding, courage, guidance, strength, forgiveness, love, and trust? yeah, they're there. 24/7. best friends, the ones that you feel like you've known since you were six. or basically, your whole life. okay, i'm good. just keep reminding me.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


and as the school day has come and gone leaving first quarter done and completed, i sit here realizing my expectations for myself have lessened immensely. what happened to the athena that always did extra credit when she had the opportunity? what happened to the athena that always did her homework? what happened to the athena that didn't wait until the last minute to do something so that she could actually put a great deal of effort into working on it? i wish i could find her again. because who i am right now, i honestly can't say i'm proud of. my average bed time has changed from 10:30 to two o'clock in the morning. sleeping at eleven seems like a luxury to me now. i don't expect myself to finish early anymore because i don't think that i can. therefore, i don't even try. lame, no? i remember the days when i used to freak out when i got a B on something. but now, a B is like.. whatever to me. but not only am i not meeting my own expectations, but i feel as if i'm not reaching the expectations other people have of me. i know it shouldn't matter cause i have to do what i know is right for me and i know that. but i can't stand letting other people down. and the last thing i want someone to do is lower their expectations of me. i have to try harder. more for myself than anything else. because, quite frankly, i'm highly disappointed.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

one of those days.

- woke up late and rushed to school.
- left my euro homework in the printer, which i stayed up until one in the morning doing.
- forgot to bring a jacket and was freezing to death in the morning.
- got hit and knocked down twice during football.
- my jaw hurts immensely and the bruise next to my eye is blue and hurts without me even touching it.
- cried twice during school.
- basically failed my frq.
- presented powerpoint in hale even though i wasn't ready and i really didn't want to.
- found out my latest chemistry grade.
- came home, took an unplanned nap until 5:30, and slept through the jv game without knowing it.
- recieved a major guilt trip.
- cried once more. total = 3.

key points?
1. i'm sorry i disappointed you. i told you i'd be there and i wasn't. i'm sorry.
2. i now feel like crying over the tiniest little things.
3. things were so perfect with life, why does this all have to happen at one time?

it's like one big smack in the face. and to top it all off, i still have homework to do. whatever, i give up.

- just about the crappiest day in...ever.

= i need pie. oh, and friends would be helpful, too.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

force of good.

the world needs a hero. around every corner bad stuff is out there lurking. because that's what bad stuff does. it lurks. not runs. not walks, nor strolls. but lurks. and so the question arises: who will defend goodness? who will conquer hard-to-open peanut packages? stand up against washing machines that steal socks, and vanquish restrooms of empty, deserted rolls of toilet paper? who will stand up and say "no. no, pimple, you will not make the day bad, nor you, chewing gum stuck to the sole of my shoe. you can test my patience, but you cannot take my smile." who will champion snooze buttons, clouds that look like furry animals, and all-you-can-eat buffets? who will step into the ring and become a force of good? who will your force of good turn out to be?

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

love heals.

Like a breath of midnight air. Like a lighthouse, like a prayer. Like the flicker and the flare the sky reveals. Like a walk along the shore that you've walked a thousand times before. Like the oceans roar. Love heals. There are those who shield their hearts. Those who quit before they start; who've frozen up the part of them that feels. Don't freeze your heart. In the dark they've lost their sight. Like a ship without a star in the night, but hold on tight. Love heals. When you feel like you can't go on. Love heals. Hold on to love, it'll keep you strong. Love heals. When you feel like you can't go on. Love heals. Hold on to love, and it will bring you home. Love heals when pain's too much to bear. When you reach out your hand, and only the wind is there. When life's unfair. When things like us aren't to be. Love heals when you feel so small, like a grain of sand--like nothing at all. When you look out at sea, that's where love will be. That's where you'll find me. You'll find me. So if you fear the storm ahead, as you lie, you lie awake in bed and there's no one, no one, no one there to stroke your head. And your mind, your mind, your mind reels. If your face is salty wet, and you're drowning in regret, just.... Don't forget: Love heals. When you feel like you cant go on. Love heals. Love, love, love is gonna carry you home. Love heals. When you feel like, when you feel like you can't go on. Love heals. Hold onto love and it will lead you home. Love heals.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


ever run into something right in front of you even when you knew perfectly well it was there? yeah, i have. not cool. haha. but let's turn this into a meaningful blog, shall we? yes, let's shall. alright.. uncoordinated. that's me in a nutshell. i'm not good at balancing things out and kepping things going at the same time. not necessarily multi-tasking like doing homework, listening to music, and eating at the same time. but just things in general. just balancing my life. it always seems like whenever something good happens, something bad has to follow it. it doesn't always work out that way, but occasionally it does. like now for instance. i'm getting closer to older friends again and losing partial grip on the ones i've been close with at present. but whatever. it'll work out sooner or later. and then a huge earthquake will come and shake my world back into an unbalanced state once again. haha. just kidding. la la la...

Monday, October 23, 2006

just try, please.

aside from the fact that as i sit here surrounded by my agenda, a pile of textbooks waiting to be cracked open, and loose papers from random subjects not yet completed, i can't help but feel that life is finally how i've wished it to be for the past 3 weeks. these past weeks i've been out of it; i haven't been myself. some may have noticed, some may have not. yes, i was sick, but not just the sneezing, coughing, shivering, funny-sounding voice kind of sick. i was sick of school. sick of homework. sick of people. and sick of how things were going in general. but suddenly, it finally hit me. my life is good. great, in fact. i should be thankful for eveything i have and not waste my time being.. whatever i was being. despite what i may feel at the moment, i've got it better than a lot of people. i've got the most incredible family and the most amazing friends. i could never ask for more. so now, as i look back and remember how terrible i felt, i know now that i'd hate to see other people having a bad week, a bad day, or just a bad hour. you can do a lot to make people feel a thousand times better. if you see someone having a bad day, try and help them. a lot of people don't try and do anything when they see someone in a bad mood cause they're scared that the person would just get angry since they're already in a bad mood. when, really, it'd brighten their day like no other if you'd simply talk to them. maybe just a simple hug, a few kind words, or just a little smile from across the room can help more than you think it can. i know it did for me.

class committee.

+ kelsy! i love us =)
AMAZING job on movie night, guys. this year will be a good year together. i can feel it.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

our message.

Sometimes, a hug is all that we need. Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, a man whose sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives. In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal. As this symbol of human hope spread across the city, police and officials ordered the Free Hugs campaign BANNED. What we then witness is the true spirit of humanity come together in what can only be described as awe inspiring. In the Spirit of the free hugs campaign, hug a stranger. If you can reach just one person...

share the love.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

and now, i disgust myself., i'm sitting at the computer while i should be lying in bed. and not just lying. sleeping. -_- i had a three-day weekend where i had all the time in the world and, yet, i'm still up at 1 in the morning doing homework. i need to get my priorities straight.

Monday, October 09, 2006

my best friend.

When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue

You are such a blessing and I wont be messing
with the one thing that brings light to all of my darkness.

There is no other one that can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
Because I speak sincerely
and I mean it when I tell you I need you.

My Best Friend - Weezer

everyone needs a best friend, right? it doesn't matter if you have three of them or just one. just as long as you know that you have someone that will always be there for you no matter what. as for me, i've got the most amazing best friend in the universe. i've got that one person i can talk to about absolutely anything. someone that can make me laugh. someone who can turn my day around like no other. i never ask for any sympathy because i don't think i need any. but when i'm having a bad day my best friend knows exactly how to make me feel better. by just being there. talking about normal things. you have no idea how good it feels knowing someone's always got your back. whatever i'm going through my best friend will be there. guaranteed. and that's what this is all about. trust. with friendship comes trust. without trust, what kind of friendship is that? i'd trust this person with anything. without my best friend i don't know how i'd survive; literally. each and every day i try and make myself a better person so that i can make this person proud of me. but you know what's so amazing? i know my best friend is ALREADY proud me. i'm reminded each and everyday of this either directly or indirectly. and i don't even know if this person notices it :] i try and see the world in a positive point of view so that i won't bring my best friend down. cause we're connected; in some way or another. if one of us is having a bad day, we'll both be in a not-so-great mood cause we don't want the other one feeling down. and when we're happy, we're both VERY happy. haha :D but we're different in a lot of different ways too. but that's how we keep things interesting. =) and despite the fact that i can never get homework done while we talk.. it's all good. haha. cause of course you're more important than homework ;) i've never hated my best friend and i never will. i respect this person soo much. and nothing will ever change that.

i've told you countless of times how amazing i think you are and i meant it every single time i said it. thank you for everything. i'll always be here for you. never forget that. where would i be without you? i don't even wanna think about that. if i lose you, i don't know what i'd do. anyway, thanks again. for everything :)

Thursday, October 05, 2006


today was a day unlike any other. thanks to everyone who tried to make me feel better. i appreciate it.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


hmmkimlysthinkin [11:42:37 PM]: how 's life, alexa?

you have no idea how much that threw me off. hahahh. no one has called me that since.. i don't even know. oh wait, since the first day of school. when all the teachers were learning names and calling role. they called alexa. :) anyway, i don't know. it just got me thinking. i'd rather go by athena cause i don't know anyone else with that name. i like it that way. cause when someone calls my name, i know they're calling me. although, these days, rona now responds to my name. hahah. ;) and apparantley, alexa doesn't fit me. i never thought so either, but then when i ask, people say it doesn't fit me. athena's better, no? i think so.

random blog, i know.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

this bitter taste won't go away.

rOnaMaGlian [8:36:19 PM]: is being too nice a bad thing sometimes?

same problem at the exact same time; once again. are we too nice? is there even such thing as too nice? i never thought so. but, now, i don't know. i'm not saying i'm gonna stop being nice or whatever it is that i'm doing, cause that's not who i am. but i'm just wondering how by doing a good thing, such as being nice, can get you into a situation that you don't wanna deal with. is this my fault? should this be my fault? i've done nothing wrong. but it feels like i have. cause when you're nice to someone, you expect them to be nice to you too, right? sometimes i forget that. at the moment, i think i'm the most misleading person in the entire world. i don't mean to be though. i promise. i'm not gonna go off and be mean and stuff, but how do you get someone to give you space? how do you distance yourself from someone without completely shutting them out? my head hurts. =(

Sunday, September 17, 2006

que sera, sera.

haven't you ever wished that you had a fast forward button in life? or maybe just a time machine? you know, just to see if this is all worth it? i know i have. i wouldn't need the time machine to go back to the past though. just into the future. cause i've learned you shouldn't try to change the past. things happen for a reason. i've always believed that. it's just that no one can ever predict the future. and it's the uncertainty of it all that i'm not exactly content with. but now you know what i've learned? embrace the uncertainty. yes, embrace it. allow it to lead you places. great places. be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness. don't waste time with regret. spin wildly into your next action. enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes. cause you'll never get another one quite like it. and if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. go back to the good times. but don't live in memories. create new ones. live life one step at a time. rushing through it will get you nowhere. well, it'll get you somewhere, but you'll have no idea how you got there. and that's no fun. sometimes we take what we have now for granted cause we're waiting for something better to come along. but we can't live in the future. so, with all this thinking, i am left with one last wish: to know exactly what i want.

Monday, September 11, 2006


always remember.

What lesson did you hope to teach us by your coward's attack on our World Trade Center, our Pentagon, us?
What was it you hoped we would learn?
Whatever it was, please know that you failed.
Did you want us to respect your cause?
You just lost your cause.
Did you want to make us fear?
You just steeled our resolve.
Did you want to tear us apart?
You just brought us together...
So I ask again: What was it you hoped to teach us?
It occurs to me that maybe you just wanted us to know the depths of your hatred.
If that's the case, consider the message received. And take this message in exchange:
You don't know my people. You don't know what we're capable of.
You don't know what you just started.
But you're about to learn.

~~ Leonard Pitts Jr., 12 Sep 2001
"We'll go forward from this Moment" in Miami Herald