Friday, March 30, 2007
aching. that was what she felt throughout the entire funeral. she was unstable both physically and emotionally. on the outside, her leg wouldn’t stop shaking. her face literally hurt from rubbing her cheeks so much to wipe away the tears. her stomach was in knots and she felt sick. on the inside: heartache. she felt like curling up in a corner and crying there the rest of the day. how could it be possible that someone would have to endure this kind of pain in real life? she thought to herself. and knowing that it was a mock funeral didn‘t make it any better, but in fact made it worse in a way. because if it were a real funeral for someone she was actually close to, how would she be able to survive that kind of torture?
choking. as the ceremony progressed and the thoughts in her mind worsened, the tears poured down endlessly. her choked sobs hurt. literally. they hurt. and the stream of tears continued as she thought about each and every one of her friends and family and how she would be affected if they were no longer there. that’s what got her the most. she related everything to herself and it was all downhill from there. it scared her to think that life was fragile enough to take her loved ones from her in the blink of an eye...
coping. the funeral was over, but the tears weren't. it was possible that they might have gotten worse once she stood up. she needed someone. she looked around and went straight to a person she knew could make her feel better without any words. she walked to her row and stood there crying, waiting for her to reach her. once she got to her, she took her in her arms and cried harder than she had during the funeral. thoughts, once again, ran through her mind. what if tomorrow the very friend she held in her arms was gone? what if that was the last time she got to hug her and let her know how much she meant to her?
it's hard living with "what if's"; nothing is ever certain. things take you by surprise and you never know what will happen. you never know when goodbye really means goodbye, you never know how someone feels about you until they tell you, you never know how the decisions you make will affect others until it happens, and you never know the exact moment your life is going to end.
yes, take chances in your lives, but don't risk losing it all because of something you didn't think through. because there are few things in life that are worth risking it all for, and being able to go to a party so you can drink isn't one of those things. show some dignity and think about your actions. really think.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
the assembly didn’t have much of an effect on her. in all honesty, she was a bit bored with it. she had actually prepared herself beforehand for tears because she thought the assembly might provoke them. but it didn’t. the tears didn’t come until after the assembly...
they slowly proceeded into their cluster class and walked into a room full of deafening silence. no one said a word; no one really knew any words to say. she had been staring off into space for a few minutes, then looked up to where her teacher was. she was surprised at what she saw. her teacher was crying. the teacher began to speak to them, voice quivering, trying to keep the composure everyone knew so well. she had never seen her teacher cry before and it was all strange to her. the teacher was telling them her own stories she knew about drinking and driving. one of them was about one of her students dying in an alcohol-related car accident because the person driving the car fell asleep at the wheel and all of the people in the car being drunk. the car blew up when it ran into a tree. but how could this affect her? she hadn’t even know these people…
but to put herself in someone else’s shoes was a completely different story. what if she had been a friend to one of the 2 people that had died in that car explosion? what if that was her sister? what if that was her daughter? that’s what got her. she closed her eyes and thoughts of losing her best friend in some kind of accident like that flew into her mind. from then on the tears wouldn’t stop. then other thoughts came into her mind. how could she go on living if one second her sister was there and then the next...gone? would there even be a reason to go on living? the tears hurt. they really, really hurt.
30 minutes. that’s how long she sat there crying. and when she looked back on it, do you know what she thought? she thought about how in that 30 minutes, two more people had died from an alcohol-related car accident. Every 15 minutes. Can you hear that bell in your heads?
(athena: and just think, today was only the accident. tomorrow is the actual funeral. i’m expecting a major breakdown on my part...)
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
on the right is tin & on the left is a-tin. they're friends. they like to bowl together. like they did today. even though tin gives a-tin free strikes unintentionally. that's what friends do. tin makes a-tin eat too much when she's around her. she makes funny faces in her ice cream and gives inappropriate magazines to little girls to read. hahaha. just keeding. and i think i went deaf. thanks a lot justin timberlake...
...yeah that pretty much sums up my day. thank you for saving me from my homework, christina. i think my eyes would have fallen out sooner or later from all that staring.
Monday, March 05, 2007
"like the sound of silence calling, i hear your voice and suddenly i'm falling, lost in a dream. like the echoes of our souls are meeting, you say those words, my heart stops beating. i wonder what it means. what could it be that comes over me? at times i can't move. at times i can hardly breathe. when you say you love me the world goes still, so still inside. and when you say you love me, for a moment there's no one else alive. you're the one i've always thought of. i don't know how, but i feel sheltered in your love. you're where i belong. and when you're with me, if i close my eyes, there are times i swear i feel like i can fly. for a moment in time, somewhere between the heavens and earth i'm frozen in time. oh, when you say those words. when you say you love me the world goes still, so still inside. and when you say you love me, for a moment there's no one else alive. and this journey that we're on, how far we've come. and i celebrate every moment. and when you say you love me, that's all you have to say. i'll always feel this way. when you say you love me, the world goes still, so still inside. and when you say you love me, in that moment i know why i'm alive. when you say you love me. when you say you love me, do you know how i love you?"
(athena: once again, josh groban has become my current infatuation...)