Friday, March 30, 2007
aching. that was what she felt throughout the entire funeral. she was unstable both physically and emotionally. on the outside, her leg wouldn’t stop shaking. her face literally hurt from rubbing her cheeks so much to wipe away the tears. her stomach was in knots and she felt sick. on the inside: heartache. she felt like curling up in a corner and crying there the rest of the day. how could it be possible that someone would have to endure this kind of pain in real life? she thought to herself. and knowing that it was a mock funeral didn‘t make it any better, but in fact made it worse in a way. because if it were a real funeral for someone she was actually close to, how would she be able to survive that kind of torture?
choking. as the ceremony progressed and the thoughts in her mind worsened, the tears poured down endlessly. her choked sobs hurt. literally. they hurt. and the stream of tears continued as she thought about each and every one of her friends and family and how she would be affected if they were no longer there. that’s what got her the most. she related everything to herself and it was all downhill from there. it scared her to think that life was fragile enough to take her loved ones from her in the blink of an eye...
coping. the funeral was over, but the tears weren't. it was possible that they might have gotten worse once she stood up. she needed someone. she looked around and went straight to a person she knew could make her feel better without any words. she walked to her row and stood there crying, waiting for her to reach her. once she got to her, she took her in her arms and cried harder than she had during the funeral. thoughts, once again, ran through her mind. what if tomorrow the very friend she held in her arms was gone? what if that was the last time she got to hug her and let her know how much she meant to her?
it's hard living with "what if's"; nothing is ever certain. things take you by surprise and you never know what will happen. you never know when goodbye really means goodbye, you never know how someone feels about you until they tell you, you never know how the decisions you make will affect others until it happens, and you never know the exact moment your life is going to end.
yes, take chances in your lives, but don't risk losing it all because of something you didn't think through. because there are few things in life that are worth risking it all for, and being able to go to a party so you can drink isn't one of those things. show some dignity and think about your actions. really think.