Tuesday, January 23, 2007
as she sat in her room, working diligently on her english homework, it finally hit her. and hit her hard. this was it; her breaking point. she couldn’t stand it anymore. day in and day out, night after night, hour after endless hour, she tried. she tried until she couldn’t possibly try anymore. what was she doing? what was she thinking? was this to prove something to herself? prove something to someone else? why? just why was she doing this to herself? she couldn’t stand it anymore. so much work was being done, but nothing she did would bring her enough self-satisfaction. it was all too much. just too much. the business project stressed her out even though her group was doing amazingly. but, again, it was just too much. but that project was not the reason she reached her breaking point. no, there was much more. 9:30. does that time seem familiar? it did to her. and yet now, it seemed as if those 9:30 nights occurred so long ago. how is it possible that everything started unraveling again so quickly? she doesn’t know what happened. nothing makes sense to her anymore.
and with her at her breaking point, it wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do to agitate her until she feels as if she needs to throw something. flustered as she was, she still kept her composure. yelling never did any good for her and she knew it never would. although, the thought of screaming at the top of her lungs loud enough to start an avalanche did cross her mind for a split second. but words, she needed to use words. too bad she was never good with the use of words...she needs to vent. venting she can do. and at least she’s good at that. at least with the right person...
she thinks too much for her own good and she knows it. but is it really such a bad thing? if she didn’t analyze these things, nothing would ever be fixed. she was never one to just go with the flow when she knew things needed fixing. and when it’s her that needs the fixing, it makes it that much harder. maybe someone else needs to come along and fix her. cause she honestly doesn’t know what to do with herself anymore. being wrapped in someone’s arms for a nice, long hug could possibly mend things.
...this is such SNAFU.