Wednesday, January 17, 2007
every once in a while, we all need time out from reality to just escape into our own world. somewhere where no one can judge you, no one can criticize you, and no one can make you feel inferior. one of the places i've found that works for me is inside my own mind. when i'm by myself, i think a lot. about friends, family, school, and life in general. i think what i want and no one can tell me i'm wrong. no one can say "sorry, athena. try again." cause it's one of the few things i get to control. it's my mind. my world.
and as she sat alone on the steps of a building where no one could see her, she finally found the sense of calm she had been looking for the entire day. she recalls the night before and is disappointed in herself. she replays the lecture over and over again in her mind and can't seem to figure out how she let him down. then she decides to think of something else. she doesn't like that topic anymore. friends, she thought. thinking of friends would make her happy. and she was quite right. thinking of one friend in particular put the biggest smile on her face. she liked the feeling she got when that friend came into her mind. knowing she had a friend that could make her happy without even being there eased her worries. and then another friend came into her mind. she thought about what that friend had told her the day before..."i don't get it," her friend said. "just be yourself. why think?" she knew those words were true, but she needed to think. it was the only thing that would make her feel better at the moment. school then proceeded to drift into the picture. as always. she knew semester was approaching quickly and anxiety and that list of worries came up immediately like those annoying pop-up windows. but this time, she couldn't close those windows so easily. she had to fix this quickly and properly. she has yet to figure out how exactly she is going to manage it all. and with a birthday coming up, the last thing she really wants to worry about is grades. sixteen years old she will be. sixteen and she still doesn't know what she wants. and she doesn't mean a gift. she means she doesn't know what she wants out of life.
and this is the world she chooses to live in. a world where she has her problems and makes mistakes. a world in which she can't please everyone and expects no one to be perfect. a world that challenges her mentally to improve her grades and doesn't let her get by on the easy track. and why would she choose this world over one where she could have the perfect life? because despite all the problems she has and all the obstacles she has to overcome, she's happy. sincerely happy. she's got the love she needs and the love she wants. and she needs nothing more.