Monday, December 11, 2006
and now that i am actually capable of staying awake for the entire school day everyday, i actually get to process what the teachers are saying. crazy, i know. but a couple of days ago, mr. ontiveros was giving his usual beginning-of-class story and he asked us something that made me think. “do you think you have the choice whether your day his good or bad?” he asked. i sat there, and for some reason, i was a bit shocked. and as i sit here now i still don’t understand why i hesitated to answer to myself. i mean, of course i get to decide whether my day is good or bad. so, i pulled out my agenda and wrote down his question in the margins. i figured it’d mean something later. i got home, started working on my homework and finished earlier than i planned. and when i pulled out my agenda to cross off all the homework i had done, i saw the question again. “do you think you have the choice whether your day is good or bad?” yes. the answer is still yes. i think earlier this year i may have given the typical 'i don't know' to this question, cause i don’t think i would’ve answered 'yes' right away. but, now i know that for a fact, at least for me, i can decide whether my day is good or bad. cause if something does go wrong during the day, it’s up to me whether or not i even try to make things better or just wallow in my own self-pity. i’ve had my share of bad days this year and i can’t say i will ever be rid of them, but the bad days that i’ve had were bad because i didn’t try to make them, well, good. maybe this isn’t the best subject to base my mental growth on, but i think in some way or another i have grown this year. yes, i know. it’s only been, what, barely 4 months since school started? well, despite the short amount of time i’ve spent back in school (although it seems like forever), i think i’m already beginning to see changes in me. the decisions I make for myself are becoming much more reasonable and i’m attempting things i didn’t have the strength to do 4 months ago. i mean, i quit aim. yeah, enough said.